What I'm learning

Anxiety and nervousness beckon the need to write, have always beckoned the need to write - to get out the bad emotions that sit like a poison in my veins. It is out from this shakey ground that I have always written, out from this ravaged landscape that I have formed a structure. And it is from this place that I have found the spirit of truth approach with blazing hands and burning eyes. It is from here that I have been convicted and stood to shame and englightenment.

Today, I write from there again. Today, I stand from the wreckage of many things and of myself, and I struggle to strain my eyes to see. And this is what my mind has formed in the reflective pool of my soul out of the strange lines my eyes have caught.

In my lifetime, I have felt anger and rage and hatred toward many. Some of them deserved it, brought it on themselves, pushed until the floodgates broke. Others, simply did not. Still others have been protected from the vilest forms of base emotions simply by who they were in my mind.
I find none of these acceptable.

How can one who advocates peace and love turn to base emotions and useless hate? How can one who totes respect be disrespectful? How can one who advocates calm lose herself to the burning of such a hot blaze?

The seas of hurt and anger are closely connected and deep. They extend for ages on either side and go down into our bones and our blood and our souls. They can so quickly become the lamp by which we guide our feet, so easily be the compass by which we walk. For they are swift in their succor and easy in their adoption, and gratifying in their immeditate implication.

But, I am trying to move without them.

It leaves the road appearing bleak and dark, as if there were nothing ahead tangible or understandable. Perhaps there is not. But we must walk on ahead anyway.

In fact, now that I think of it, the road ahead has always been blank and undiscernable. We can not see the future; we cannot know what will come. But we guess at it and we struggle with it and we hope for the best of it. And when the worst comes, we must still stand.

If we wait on the sidelines hoping that someone else will make that stand for us, we will be found wanting when the time comes. And if we stand shakily by and flee instead of face the terrible tension that is being strung up before us, we will fall from the tightwire. For we are walking it no matter what and the tension will mount no matter what and we will face conflict no matter what.

I like what Martin Luther King Jr. had to say about tension, how there is a negative tension and a positive tension. How the negative tension is the illusion that we can live in a lack of tension, in slackness, in ease, in comfort. How positive tension is the tension that stirs us to make a new decision, that pushes us toward the right spirit of action.
It is this tension that I aim to create and to live in.

But, it is sometimes hard to keep the two separate, if only for the reason that others want to falsely mount tension in order to dispell the sort of positive tension that challenges their comfort and makes their lives uncomfortable. This, too, is bad tension. It is the tightening of the string to whip back at those who are attempting to walk well on it.

I am discovering much about life in these days. I am discovering that there are those who are quick to judge, and many times, I am one of them. I am discovering that compassion and self-giving love is the hardest type to have. I am discovering that there is a thin line between right and wrong, a careful balancing act in stating the truth but not becoming elitist. In struggling forward in rightness without walking on those who have not seen the same.

As of late, I so often wonder at what the Sons and Daughters of God have said and how they have solved this problem. I wonder at what Yeshua really did in his time. I wonder at what Gautama really saw in his people. I wonder at what Fuller really heard in his years of silence. I wonder at how people with great compassion and great hearts have not faultered and become judgemental and cruel.

I wonder at how compassion really functions in a self-loving world.
I wonder at how truth really reveals itself in a deceptive life.

And so, I continue to try in hopes that I will one day do something good. I continue to look in hopes that one day I will see something abundantly real. And I continue to write, in hopes that one day I will write something deeply true.

And yet, I must avoid the voice that says I am right, I am well, I am good. This voice is a hinderance to the goal. And, in the words of Eliot's Thomas A Beckett in:

'The last temptation is the greatest treason, to do the right deed for the wrong reason.'

If only I can say along with him, as well, 'Now is my way clear. Now is the meaning plain. Temptation shall not come in this kind again.'

But I have yet to reach the end of this journey and I have yet to see so clearly.
I can only try and remain humble to the fact that I am trying.

Just off the call

I had deaf ears and blind eyes and a stone heart until the earth shook so violently in Haiti that these senses were sprung free from their captivity of complacency and malaze. Now, I stare wide-eyed at the history of a world I did not know existed, I listen to the voices crying in the wilderness, I see the stories of the impoverished - but not poor.

These people have a strong spirit, and in this blows the wind of God. These people were the chained and shackled, slaves to the richest for years on end. And yet, their voice continues to cry out, 'no more'.

Their hands are eager. Their hearts are willing. Their souls are reaching out. Let us lend the hand that will help heal, that will teach and guide, that will ease the stress where it need be eased. Let our hands be just as eager, our hearts just as willing, our souls reaching out to meet the downtrodden where they are.

Is this not the song of our Messiah that we sing when the poor are raised up and the hungry are fed and the naked are clothed and the destitute are given their rightful place of inheritance among us? Is this not the good news that we were meant to follow in the dust of? Is this not the burden of love that we carry: that the world can be set free?

Let us move to set the world free from oppression. Let us be the advocates of love and peace and equality all throughout.

See and Know Your World

In memorial of Martin Luther King Jr. who started desperately needed change in this society, in response to the disastrous need in Haiti in the wake of the earthquake, and in reaction to the sort of world we live in: I think we all need to look beyond ourselves and see what good we can do.

So, here is a list of some groups I have found to be doing good in the world. Sort through them and see if you see the same.

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ADRA
The Adventist Development and Relief Agency (ADRA) was started by the Seventh-day Adventist Church as a way to follow Christ’s example of serving and caring for those in need. Put simply, ADRA improves the lives of people around the world. The agency searches out deprivation, social injustice, and need—then works to eliminate them.

Amnesty International
Amnesty International is a worldwide movement of people who campaign for internationally recognized human rights for all. Our supporters are outraged by human rights abuses but inspired by hope for a better world - so we work to improve human rights through campaigning and international solidarity. We have more than 2.2 million members and subscribers in more than 150 countries and regions and we coordinate this support to act for justice on a wide range of issues.

Blood:Water Mission
We're a group of passionate people who have been inspired by our friends in Africa, friends who face unbearable challenges from the HIV/AIDS and water crises. We creatively and thoughtfully raise awareness and the necessary funds for the provision of clean blood and clean water in sub-Saharan Africa.

Christian Foundation for Children and Aging
We provide personal attention and direct benefits to children, youth, aging and their families so they may live with dignity, achieve their desired potential and participate fully in society. We invite people of good will to live in daily solidarity with the world’s poor through one-to-one sponsorship. We build community by fostering relationships of mutual respect, understanding and support that are culturally diverse, empowering and without religious or other prejudice.

Food Declaration
The movement to create a healthier food and agriculture policy in the US has been slowly and steadily gaining ground for well over a decade. Those all around the nation who began the work are encouraged by the progress and simultaneously concerned by the pace of change given the disproportionate impact of food and agriculture on personal and planetary health.The public's increasing interest and the media's deepening coverage of climate change, energy, agriculture, rural poverty, labor issues, food costs, food quality and obesity may finally illuminate the interrelationship of these crises and provide a context for urgently needed changes, which are clearly possible.

Green Peace
Our core values are reflected in our environmental campaign work: We 'bear witness' to environmental destruction in a peaceful, non-violent manner. We use non-violent confrontation to raise the level and quality of public debate. In exposing threats to the environment and finding solutions we have no permanent allies or adversaries. We ensure our financial independence from political or commercial interests. We seek solutions to environmental dilemmas and promote open, informed debate about society's environmental choices.

Heifer International
Heifer envisions a world of communities living together in peace and equitably sharing the resources of a healthy planet. Heifer’s mission is to work with communities to end hunger and poverty and to care for the earth. Heifer's strategy is to “pass on the gift.” As people share their animals’ offspring with others – along with their knowledge, resources, and skills – an expanding network of hope, dignity, and self-reliance is created that reaches around the globe.

ONE
ONE is a grassroots campaign and advocacy organization backed by more than 2 million people who are committed to the fight against extreme poverty and preventable disease, particularly in Africa.

Repower America
Launched in 2008 in a pioneering speech by Al Gore that hit the reset button on America’s clean energy goals, Repower America was first introduced as a bold plan to “repower” our country with 100% clean electricity and revitalize our national energy infrastructure. At its core, Repower America stands for the importance of investing in energy efficiency; clean, renewable and diversified energy sources; a unified national smart energy grid that connects these renewable energy sources to every part of the country; and clean car technology. Building on this momentum, the Alliance for Climate Protection launched the Repower America campaign to galvanize the American public around a bold new clean energy plan and a revitalized national energy infrastructure.

World Vision
World Vision is a Christian humanitarian charity organization dedicated to working with children, families, and their communities worldwide to reach their full potential by tackling the causes of poverty and injustice.
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Do you think we can change the world?
I think many times in history, one or two have stood up for the truth, for the Spirit of God, and the world really was turned around.

And, I think we can do it again.
Let us choose the right way together, stand up boldly, and walk firmly in the flow of Love.

Difficulty sleeping

Sometimes, I am struck with how narrow-minded I truly am.

It is difficult to be a part of a society that loves itself and not to love myself, just a little bit too much. It's hard to be part of a culture that does good only for its own gain and not do good only for my own gain, just a little bit.

Today, while I was buying cupcakes that would go to help those in need, I was asked if I ever thought of the need before now. Because it was there before. But, just like the majority of my neighbors, I did not look for it. And so, I had to answer "no". I had to freely admit that I am a blind Westerner who looks first and foremost at my own desires and chases the wind after my own dreams.

I was struck in the heart.
I can do better than this. Better than buying the occasional person on the street a meal. Better than giving away my hat if someone asks for it. Better than buying cupcakes and coffee to help those in need. Better than complaining when my computer runs a little too slow or doesn't load a page. Better than bitching about not having ink for my printer that is cheap enough. Better than bemoaning a night out of the week that I can't go buy pizza because I ran out of tip money.

I can do better than this. Can't I?

This is a very difficult question to ask of myself. It's difficult because it calls into question what good I thought I was doing. What help I thought I was offering. What aide I thought I was giving. What good I thought I was serving.
And now I see, I have to ask: Is it enough?

No, of course it is not enough. It can never be enough. Because the world is full of need, and I live in a global society. The world is full of individuals and communities and countries and societies that need help. People of the world have been struck by Haiti because of a disaster. But is it enough?

Of course not. What about Africa and the AIDS epidemic and the water crisis? What about Peru and the throngs of people who live on a polluted river because they cannot afford to pay to live on the land? What about the orphans in China who are unwanted by their society? What about the homeless in this city that I pass by everyday? What about the homeless in every other city?

What have I done more than seek my own gain?

And so, I see my reflection in the river of life and I know.
I must do better than this.

So, what'll it be?

I read today that based purely on its numbers, Generation Y (those born roughly between the years of mid 1970s to late 1990s) is going to be the largest consumer population that America has seen yet.

That means, my fellow Gen Yers, we have a lot of decisions on our shoulders.
I also read that Generation Y is increasingly interested in specialty tea, green movements, sustainability, and product source information.

It seems very hopeful.
But, let's keep on track Gen Y.

I also read that there is a boom in RTD Tea products. This is your Nestea(tm) and Arizona(tm( and Snapple(tm) products, for example. I'm also assuming Jet Tea(tm) would be included in this cut, although they were not specifically mentioned. The problem with this, Gen Y, is that we haven't been reading our labels all too carefully if these products are booming. Keep in mind that high fructose corn syrup and artificial sweeteners and artificial flavors or colours don't fit into the sustainability or green movements.

So, this hopeful interpretation of Gen Y varies. We seem to want to know where our products are coming from, we seem to care about the environment more than our parents and their parents, and we seem to care about quality of product.

But, at the same time, I know plenty of us Gen Yers are still eating at McDonald's or Panda Express or shoveling in Taco Bells "liquified re-animated beef" into our mouths. I know plenty of us are still using shampoos that bleed chemicals into our environment and waterways. I know plenty of us are still pouring Heniz Ketchup on our fries.

So, I ask you, Generation Y, to stick to your guns - or at least the guns we seem to be toting. And I ask you, as a part of you: let's change the world for the better. Let's continue to push for truly good practices from companies. Let's continue to push for better product choices from our peers. Let's continue to care about what goes into our food and our bodies and our world. And let's show the generations after us that the grown ups care about the world they are going to live in.

Good Thoughts

I am constantly challenged by you, my friends.

By considering whether or not we women should have claimed the pronoun "he" along with men. By being challenged to express myself to more concrete minds in concrete terms with concrete words. By seeing the inverse of what I have come to believe.

I will not try to hide the fact that in many ways, I am very blind.
I do not know a lot of history. I had never heard of the Indus. I do not know the stories of North America that have been lost to my culture and time. I do not know how Babylon came to be. I have not heard the voices of humanity's past.

But I am trying to learn.

I do not know my spiritual path, my own way of understanding this world and this spirit and this way.

But I am trying to learn.

I only hope that like my spiritual ancestor, I do not have to remain silent for two years to reach understanding.
And yet, silence in some ways is what I desire, what I need, what I will undertake to hear the whispers of the universe about me.

And in the silence, I will hear what I had turned away.
And in the silence, I will hear the pneuma.