Here's some [new] context

Someone, before we left, said this.
"When I moved here, I kept wondering why I had moved [...]"
In the beginning, I had a vague, sort of theoretical idea of what he was talking about.
Today, I understand completely.

Before we had left, we really did have it all: as much coffee and tea as you could want, plenty of space and knowing where everything was, an expansive kitchen to cook whatever we wanted, working together at jobs we could... live with, a lifestyle that...worked.

Okay, so we didn't have it all. But we had. Now, it feels more like we don't have than we have. Not to mention, it feels like the world is falling apart. At least, our country is. I'm not sure how much that is going to affect us. It's frightening when I actually get to thinking about it.

I try not to think about it.

I wonder, when I do, if the world is going to be over soon. I think, probably not.
I think, probably, everyone just wants it to.

I think I have a lack of faith and a lack of direction and a lack of most happiness. I think that is making the real blessings increasigly harder to actually see.

I don't want to disappear into an oblivion of all the things that I thought we had improved away from. And, I don't want to dissolve into an oblivion of laxness.
We might be drawing near, but it's difficult to see.

Perhaps, I should be remembering Weatherman --
"Easy never enters into adult life."

In this shit life, there are things we have to chuck. We have to chuck things in this shit life.

I'm just not sure what there is that I, you, we need to chuck.