youth

When I was younger, I had the priveledge of thinking that people stay around forever. But eventually, I grew out of that, knew that people came and went, remained under the firm impression that the good ones stay always. Then Mama worked at the fabric house, someone hated me over 20 dollars, and the "good ones" started going more than they came. So I learned that things do go away sometimes.

Then, my ignorant heart got broken over a silly game that I was playing with one of the schoolyard boys, in half a year someone else took his place, and three years later I was in shreds. So I knew that nothing lasted, that life fell apart- good or bad. And I went hard, moved my heart to the city, swore I'd never leave. I had found the universal pattern: against all odds, against all goodness - I would be alone. So I got used to it.

For a year, it worked, time passed, I grew cynicism to accompany callousness and layered all of that under nihlism I didn't really think I believed in yet.And at the end of the year, i should have been unreachable.

But you reached me, still. Attacked my callousness, called to question my cyncism, disproved nihlism, and got at me. That was the first.

Then, there were the conclusions, the reasons I had. You tried to disprove, discredit, deconstruct all that, too. But the consequences of all of those conclusions, based on years of provable - factual evidence still applied.

And still do. I do believe the "good ones" don't stay, the "best ones" go first, and I - without a doubt - an going to be alone.

So godspeed, my dear, to you and those attempts.
And may you overcome me.