Difficulty sleeping
Sometimes, I am struck with how narrow-minded I truly am.
It is difficult to be a part of a society that loves itself and not to love myself, just a little bit too much. It's hard to be part of a culture that does good only for its own gain and not do good only for my own gain, just a little bit.
Today, while I was buying cupcakes that would go to help those in need, I was asked if I ever thought of the need before now. Because it was there before. But, just like the majority of my neighbors, I did not look for it. And so, I had to answer "no". I had to freely admit that I am a blind Westerner who looks first and foremost at my own desires and chases the wind after my own dreams.
I was struck in the heart.
I can do better than this. Better than buying the occasional person on the street a meal. Better than giving away my hat if someone asks for it. Better than buying cupcakes and coffee to help those in need. Better than complaining when my computer runs a little too slow or doesn't load a page. Better than bitching about not having ink for my printer that is cheap enough. Better than bemoaning a night out of the week that I can't go buy pizza because I ran out of tip money.
I can do better than this. Can't I?
This is a very difficult question to ask of myself. It's difficult because it calls into question what good I thought I was doing. What help I thought I was offering. What aide I thought I was giving. What good I thought I was serving.
And now I see, I have to ask: Is it enough?
No, of course it is not enough. It can never be enough. Because the world is full of need, and I live in a global society. The world is full of individuals and communities and countries and societies that need help. People of the world have been struck by Haiti because of a disaster. But is it enough?
Of course not. What about Africa and the AIDS epidemic and the water crisis? What about Peru and the throngs of people who live on a polluted river because they cannot afford to pay to live on the land? What about the orphans in China who are unwanted by their society? What about the homeless in this city that I pass by everyday? What about the homeless in every other city?
What have I done more than seek my own gain?
And so, I see my reflection in the river of life and I know.
I must do better than this.
It is difficult to be a part of a society that loves itself and not to love myself, just a little bit too much. It's hard to be part of a culture that does good only for its own gain and not do good only for my own gain, just a little bit.
Today, while I was buying cupcakes that would go to help those in need, I was asked if I ever thought of the need before now. Because it was there before. But, just like the majority of my neighbors, I did not look for it. And so, I had to answer "no". I had to freely admit that I am a blind Westerner who looks first and foremost at my own desires and chases the wind after my own dreams.
I was struck in the heart.
I can do better than this. Better than buying the occasional person on the street a meal. Better than giving away my hat if someone asks for it. Better than buying cupcakes and coffee to help those in need. Better than complaining when my computer runs a little too slow or doesn't load a page. Better than bitching about not having ink for my printer that is cheap enough. Better than bemoaning a night out of the week that I can't go buy pizza because I ran out of tip money.
I can do better than this. Can't I?
This is a very difficult question to ask of myself. It's difficult because it calls into question what good I thought I was doing. What help I thought I was offering. What aide I thought I was giving. What good I thought I was serving.
And now I see, I have to ask: Is it enough?
No, of course it is not enough. It can never be enough. Because the world is full of need, and I live in a global society. The world is full of individuals and communities and countries and societies that need help. People of the world have been struck by Haiti because of a disaster. But is it enough?
Of course not. What about Africa and the AIDS epidemic and the water crisis? What about Peru and the throngs of people who live on a polluted river because they cannot afford to pay to live on the land? What about the orphans in China who are unwanted by their society? What about the homeless in this city that I pass by everyday? What about the homeless in every other city?
What have I done more than seek my own gain?
And so, I see my reflection in the river of life and I know.
I must do better than this.
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