Kindness only goes so far
There is a problem in humanity. And it is the fact that we get tired of being kind and generous. Sick of giving. Fed up with having to have an open hand.
Think if you will. What are a few models? A friend who is "always asking for something". A neighbor who is "always looking for a hand out". A roommate who is "always trying to get something for free".
But, why do these things exist? Is it really that people are always trying to "take advantage" of kindness? Or better: does that phrase make any sense at all?
Isn't kindness and generosity meant to be taken for what it is? Aren't hand-outs meant to be given? Aren't we supposed to expect that when we are willing to freely give, someone else is willing to freely take? And shouldn't we be disappointed, let down, disheartened if no-one is?
Or, are we merely giving with the hope that no-one wants what we have to offer? Are we merely opening our hands but hoping that, at the end of the day, what was in them will still be there? Are we "giving" while simultaneously hoping we don't have to, instead getting something in the end?
I think the theory of giving without restraint is lost on us as a culture and society. We get tired out, worn down of having open doors. We want boundaries. We want limitations. We want to be able to say "no". We feel "taken advantage of". When, in reality, that is exactly what we should be hoping for if giving freely is our claim.
If kindness without question is our goal, then we should want someone who needs limitless kindness. If generosity is our goal, then we should hope for someone who takes without restraint or thought. And if openness is our goal, then we should be seeking out someone who is willing to enter into our lives without boundaries, limits, or guidelines.
Otherwise, are we really kind? Have we actually been generous? Have we even opened ourselves up?
If there is still a hesitation, still a wariness, still a wanting to pull away at any point, then the answer is still no.
Clearly, this is a problem for everyone though. Because who among us is capable of not feeling taken, had, tricked, or cheated? Who among us can't help but wonder if giving and giving and giving does any good? Who among us can't help but think - yeah, but I'm doing all the goddamn work here!
I know I am. I don't give freely. I don't open without boundary. I don't want to be generous without a thought. What if, in the end, I give it all away and then I don't have what I need? What if I get screwed in the end because no-one is willing to give to me? And aren't I just a beggar then? And since "beggars can't be choosers", won't I still be screwed?
It's difficult, and yet, I know if I were to let go - I would be freed from my ties to materialism and fear. But still, I cling to what I have because it feels safer that way. It feels like I have some amount of control. Some portion of this world that I can claim. It feels like I have a say. Like I have my own future, destiny, course of action held by the reigns and I determine where I go.
In reality, I don't.
Reality moves in whatever way it chooses, with or without me. Oftentimes, against me. And what can I do? What can we do? When the earth shakes and waves rise and fires spark and storms rage - there is nothing that any of our clinging has done. We are still just as easily felled, if not easier for our fear. For our towers to the sky that we think are our protection from the world. When in reality, they are concrete cubicles wherein we are alone, sectioned off, unreachable. Each of us separated from our hearts, from our ability to hold one another, from our ability to help one another, from our ability to save one another. From our ability to work together.
In the end, its absurd to try and hide from reality. To try and take control of anything. The only thing that has any real control is quality, and we cannot possess it. It may be a part of us, but we do not own it, can't delve it out in our own measurements. Quality goes where quality goes and the wind blows where the wind blows. And trying to contain it is chasing after air.
We will only fail and fall. And our holding on to what we thought we had will mean nothing. Personally, I think we should let it go. Have unbounded kindness and generosity and openness. Limitless understanding and compassion. One that allows all to be taken, because in the end, what we gave was never under our command, anyway. We are only temporary holders, temporary place-markers that have a sense of being able to instill more quality. But we are instilling shit and death.
We need to stop. We need to open our hands back up. And we need to play our part much better than this. Because as things stand now, the play we're creating is complete shit. And if you don't think so, just take a look around and tell me where the quality is.
Think if you will. What are a few models? A friend who is "always asking for something". A neighbor who is "always looking for a hand out". A roommate who is "always trying to get something for free".
But, why do these things exist? Is it really that people are always trying to "take advantage" of kindness? Or better: does that phrase make any sense at all?
Isn't kindness and generosity meant to be taken for what it is? Aren't hand-outs meant to be given? Aren't we supposed to expect that when we are willing to freely give, someone else is willing to freely take? And shouldn't we be disappointed, let down, disheartened if no-one is?
Or, are we merely giving with the hope that no-one wants what we have to offer? Are we merely opening our hands but hoping that, at the end of the day, what was in them will still be there? Are we "giving" while simultaneously hoping we don't have to, instead getting something in the end?
I think the theory of giving without restraint is lost on us as a culture and society. We get tired out, worn down of having open doors. We want boundaries. We want limitations. We want to be able to say "no". We feel "taken advantage of". When, in reality, that is exactly what we should be hoping for if giving freely is our claim.
If kindness without question is our goal, then we should want someone who needs limitless kindness. If generosity is our goal, then we should hope for someone who takes without restraint or thought. And if openness is our goal, then we should be seeking out someone who is willing to enter into our lives without boundaries, limits, or guidelines.
Otherwise, are we really kind? Have we actually been generous? Have we even opened ourselves up?
If there is still a hesitation, still a wariness, still a wanting to pull away at any point, then the answer is still no.
Clearly, this is a problem for everyone though. Because who among us is capable of not feeling taken, had, tricked, or cheated? Who among us can't help but wonder if giving and giving and giving does any good? Who among us can't help but think - yeah, but I'm doing all the goddamn work here!
I know I am. I don't give freely. I don't open without boundary. I don't want to be generous without a thought. What if, in the end, I give it all away and then I don't have what I need? What if I get screwed in the end because no-one is willing to give to me? And aren't I just a beggar then? And since "beggars can't be choosers", won't I still be screwed?
It's difficult, and yet, I know if I were to let go - I would be freed from my ties to materialism and fear. But still, I cling to what I have because it feels safer that way. It feels like I have some amount of control. Some portion of this world that I can claim. It feels like I have a say. Like I have my own future, destiny, course of action held by the reigns and I determine where I go.
In reality, I don't.
Reality moves in whatever way it chooses, with or without me. Oftentimes, against me. And what can I do? What can we do? When the earth shakes and waves rise and fires spark and storms rage - there is nothing that any of our clinging has done. We are still just as easily felled, if not easier for our fear. For our towers to the sky that we think are our protection from the world. When in reality, they are concrete cubicles wherein we are alone, sectioned off, unreachable. Each of us separated from our hearts, from our ability to hold one another, from our ability to help one another, from our ability to save one another. From our ability to work together.
In the end, its absurd to try and hide from reality. To try and take control of anything. The only thing that has any real control is quality, and we cannot possess it. It may be a part of us, but we do not own it, can't delve it out in our own measurements. Quality goes where quality goes and the wind blows where the wind blows. And trying to contain it is chasing after air.
We will only fail and fall. And our holding on to what we thought we had will mean nothing. Personally, I think we should let it go. Have unbounded kindness and generosity and openness. Limitless understanding and compassion. One that allows all to be taken, because in the end, what we gave was never under our command, anyway. We are only temporary holders, temporary place-markers that have a sense of being able to instill more quality. But we are instilling shit and death.
We need to stop. We need to open our hands back up. And we need to play our part much better than this. Because as things stand now, the play we're creating is complete shit. And if you don't think so, just take a look around and tell me where the quality is.
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