Where has January gone?
And so, here we are. February 11 of the year. The first month has concluded with no real conclusions. Only the same fluttering of ideas, concepts, conceived hopes of some change on the horizon. Imminence, possibly - but nothing else.
Just same old, same old. Days going by. Trying to write, play bass, make songs, get over stage fright. Get over voice fright. Learning, but not sure it's going fast enough at this rate. At this pace.
Preparing, planning, aiming at doing the double-bass thing, as bad of an idea as that sounds. Get a bow, bow the double, possibly the electric. Ruin horse hairs, wear down strings. So, maybe just the one and see how that goes.
Probably that. Don't take on too much, or you're sure to fail. Bound to fall. Sure to lose. Either way.
Serious depression, now, over two things:
1) The amount of money spent on loop stations, pedals, other "necessities" that we don't need. Conveniences. Comforts. Things we like to make us feel like we're important or good at something or going somewhere. Electricity, possibly a part of this problem. Production, over saturation of things at hand. Goods easily attained. Rich welfare. Scraps of the gods of this world. Possibly poisoned with their intent. Hard to tell. But we pick them up anyway. Which leads to the second:
2) Life in general. Lack of direction, maybe. Or purpose. Ability, impact - interconnecctedness. Real effect and how much we can even reasonably expect. How much is even possible. How much divergence from the norm should we partake in, and have we even really been willing to risk that much? Is it enough?
Feels like time to reset. Hit some button in our lives, re-evaluate, find a better direction or pace of lifestyle or livelihood. Whatever. Do something we can actually fucking get behind. Music, writing, drawing - sure. But there's a bigger question here. The question of how to take what we need. How to get it?
Food service has been the answer up until now, but what? Coffee? Not sustainable, imported, drug, addiction. Possibly, as a past time because we have built a system of crime that we cannot topple yet. This is in question, still. Possibly, the refusal of the addicted. So then we approach tea. Slightly more sustainable or vastly? Nothing other than a feeling of an answer. No research, no solid ground. So then: still imported, still drugs, still addiction. Still, a past time. So it goes.
Then, we get to food. Real food. Local food, locally grown, locally produced, seasonal, nothing outside of the realm. And we get: sandwiches. Possibly a livelihood. But as business? Business model? Taxes, system, revenue, income, etc. It gets so bogged down. Openness against a system might be a solution. Might inspire someone, something, somewhere. Might possibly work. Worth a shot. Have to find the means. Not easy, but not impossible.
A direction, at least. Something to look to. Possibly pursue.
-------
There were other considerations included here before, in the original text where these thoughts spawned - at the coffee cart, working with coffee. And thinking.
The new mode hasn't segwayed to them. And, for whatever reason, they feel inappropriate now. Things about spirituality and sexuality, about gender and god. Maybe we'll come back to it. Sometime later, when the weight of just what we're doing has decreased. Or, when the importance of it makes room. Or, simply when we can get the connection between the two to link back up again.
Because it is important - imperative, you could say. The way we see reality, one another, and a sense of the spiritual. These play into our perceptions, what we consider important - imperative. Directly connected to what we do. What we believe. What we will fight for.
And so, we'll come back to it. Sometime.
Just same old, same old. Days going by. Trying to write, play bass, make songs, get over stage fright. Get over voice fright. Learning, but not sure it's going fast enough at this rate. At this pace.
Preparing, planning, aiming at doing the double-bass thing, as bad of an idea as that sounds. Get a bow, bow the double, possibly the electric. Ruin horse hairs, wear down strings. So, maybe just the one and see how that goes.
Probably that. Don't take on too much, or you're sure to fail. Bound to fall. Sure to lose. Either way.
Serious depression, now, over two things:
1) The amount of money spent on loop stations, pedals, other "necessities" that we don't need. Conveniences. Comforts. Things we like to make us feel like we're important or good at something or going somewhere. Electricity, possibly a part of this problem. Production, over saturation of things at hand. Goods easily attained. Rich welfare. Scraps of the gods of this world. Possibly poisoned with their intent. Hard to tell. But we pick them up anyway. Which leads to the second:
2) Life in general. Lack of direction, maybe. Or purpose. Ability, impact - interconnecctedness. Real effect and how much we can even reasonably expect. How much is even possible. How much divergence from the norm should we partake in, and have we even really been willing to risk that much? Is it enough?
Feels like time to reset. Hit some button in our lives, re-evaluate, find a better direction or pace of lifestyle or livelihood. Whatever. Do something we can actually fucking get behind. Music, writing, drawing - sure. But there's a bigger question here. The question of how to take what we need. How to get it?
Food service has been the answer up until now, but what? Coffee? Not sustainable, imported, drug, addiction. Possibly, as a past time because we have built a system of crime that we cannot topple yet. This is in question, still. Possibly, the refusal of the addicted. So then we approach tea. Slightly more sustainable or vastly? Nothing other than a feeling of an answer. No research, no solid ground. So then: still imported, still drugs, still addiction. Still, a past time. So it goes.
Then, we get to food. Real food. Local food, locally grown, locally produced, seasonal, nothing outside of the realm. And we get: sandwiches. Possibly a livelihood. But as business? Business model? Taxes, system, revenue, income, etc. It gets so bogged down. Openness against a system might be a solution. Might inspire someone, something, somewhere. Might possibly work. Worth a shot. Have to find the means. Not easy, but not impossible.
A direction, at least. Something to look to. Possibly pursue.
-------
There were other considerations included here before, in the original text where these thoughts spawned - at the coffee cart, working with coffee. And thinking.
The new mode hasn't segwayed to them. And, for whatever reason, they feel inappropriate now. Things about spirituality and sexuality, about gender and god. Maybe we'll come back to it. Sometime later, when the weight of just what we're doing has decreased. Or, when the importance of it makes room. Or, simply when we can get the connection between the two to link back up again.
Because it is important - imperative, you could say. The way we see reality, one another, and a sense of the spiritual. These play into our perceptions, what we consider important - imperative. Directly connected to what we do. What we believe. What we will fight for.
And so, we'll come back to it. Sometime.
1 Thought(s):
You don't always have to find the big picture in everything. Sometimes, some things are what they are.
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