20.01.09 - MAX westbound
From time to time, I get this idea in my brain somewhere that I must either be insane or alone. Perhaps, both. But then, I think of Phaedrus and believe that I am certainly not insane, and perhaps - dare I say, even not alone.
I must admit that being entirely alone until the end of all time is a rather dated, melodramatic fear. One I felt certain of during adolescence, when we are each one of us alone. But having grown on from that stage, do not feel those same pangs of fear but only once and a rare while. And so, it is possible that "alone" is not exactly what I mean to suggest. But rather, the thing I fear is better said in these terms:
Often, I wonder how much of humanity is what it ought to be. And for the percentage that is not, I wonder how much or to what degree it a)considers this fact, b) cares about it (either once is has thought it or still in its ignorance), and c) will ever actually do anything - remarkable or otherwise - about it.
The fear, then, is that I am too alone is these considerations (with one or two others who feel as cosmically defeated, or more so, by such ideas) that action will indefinitely be impossible.
Of course, such fears are momentarily abated whenever a good conversation really comes to fruition with those one or two others. However, this too feels self-defeating, as it seems to me now only to deflate both parties into either a state of casual acceptance of humanity at large or a state of total defeat on the grounds that should these types of conversations leak out, the general populace would have nothing to do with it. Or, simply be too absorbed into thoughtless fancy and self-indulgence as to have no clue whatsoever that any such conversations had ever occurred at all.
And such is the dilemma that continues to depress.
For, if I am alone, then my voice is too weak. But as I am not (this must be accepted), I am simply deflatable by the rest of humanity to whom such ideals rail against. And so, in all honesty, attempting to reform the heart of humanity is, in this numb technological age, entirely impossible.
I must admit that being entirely alone until the end of all time is a rather dated, melodramatic fear. One I felt certain of during adolescence, when we are each one of us alone. But having grown on from that stage, do not feel those same pangs of fear but only once and a rare while. And so, it is possible that "alone" is not exactly what I mean to suggest. But rather, the thing I fear is better said in these terms:
Often, I wonder how much of humanity is what it ought to be. And for the percentage that is not, I wonder how much or to what degree it a)considers this fact, b) cares about it (either once is has thought it or still in its ignorance), and c) will ever actually do anything - remarkable or otherwise - about it.
The fear, then, is that I am too alone is these considerations (with one or two others who feel as cosmically defeated, or more so, by such ideas) that action will indefinitely be impossible.
Of course, such fears are momentarily abated whenever a good conversation really comes to fruition with those one or two others. However, this too feels self-defeating, as it seems to me now only to deflate both parties into either a state of casual acceptance of humanity at large or a state of total defeat on the grounds that should these types of conversations leak out, the general populace would have nothing to do with it. Or, simply be too absorbed into thoughtless fancy and self-indulgence as to have no clue whatsoever that any such conversations had ever occurred at all.
And such is the dilemma that continues to depress.
For, if I am alone, then my voice is too weak. But as I am not (this must be accepted), I am simply deflatable by the rest of humanity to whom such ideals rail against. And so, in all honesty, attempting to reform the heart of humanity is, in this numb technological age, entirely impossible.
0 Thought(s):
Post a Comment
<< Home