off on missions...
It's my first time. The frist time ever. I'm excited, but I can't say I'm not a bit scared.
Scared of what, you ask?
Not Peru. I've been to other countries enough times to not get too worked up over boarder-hopping. And I've had enough cultural clashes living in another country to not worry about that either. Language barriers? I dealt with those on weekends. Different food, undrinkable water, hotels that aren't exactly the Ritz? Not a problem either. So what could a traverser like me be afraid of, nervous of?
I'm doing it. For the first time. Not just traveling. Not just seeing a new place. Not going for that reason at all. But finally actually doing it -- what I told myself I was probably not ever meant to do. What I think might in fact be why I'm here at all.
I'm going to help others I've never met. Going to build a church centre.
I've never even laid a single brick in my life. And I'm going to help finish a church centre?! Oh God, what was I thinking when You signed me up for this one? What if I blow it? What if I'm not really cut out for it. What if I mess it all up. What if I can't do it - can't spread Your love. Can't be what I was thinking You made me to be. What if I'm all wrong?
Well, okay. So it isn't up to me or my worth or how good at all this I am. And really, the only way to know if You want me to do this is just to do it. Jump in - water over my head. Like I have in other things.
It didn't hurt so bad then. Sure, it's been scary as all hell, hand-in-hand with heartstoppingly terrifying. And I've doubted more than I haven't. And I've gone back on myself at least twice a day. And I've cursed myself for my stupidity, my suseptibility, my cowardice. And I've lied to myself, told myself to stop, once and for all.
But I haven't. Not yet. And that's all I can do this time, too. Isn't it? The only way I'm ever going to work this out. Ever going to know why You made me. Ever going to know my worth in Your eyes. By finding out my worth in theirs.
Just, God...don't let me be a complete failure. For Your sake.
-RK
Scared of what, you ask?
Not Peru. I've been to other countries enough times to not get too worked up over boarder-hopping. And I've had enough cultural clashes living in another country to not worry about that either. Language barriers? I dealt with those on weekends. Different food, undrinkable water, hotels that aren't exactly the Ritz? Not a problem either. So what could a traverser like me be afraid of, nervous of?
I'm doing it. For the first time. Not just traveling. Not just seeing a new place. Not going for that reason at all. But finally actually doing it -- what I told myself I was probably not ever meant to do. What I think might in fact be why I'm here at all.
I'm going to help others I've never met. Going to build a church centre.
I've never even laid a single brick in my life. And I'm going to help finish a church centre?! Oh God, what was I thinking when You signed me up for this one? What if I blow it? What if I'm not really cut out for it. What if I mess it all up. What if I can't do it - can't spread Your love. Can't be what I was thinking You made me to be. What if I'm all wrong?
Well, okay. So it isn't up to me or my worth or how good at all this I am. And really, the only way to know if You want me to do this is just to do it. Jump in - water over my head. Like I have in other things.
It didn't hurt so bad then. Sure, it's been scary as all hell, hand-in-hand with heartstoppingly terrifying. And I've doubted more than I haven't. And I've gone back on myself at least twice a day. And I've cursed myself for my stupidity, my suseptibility, my cowardice. And I've lied to myself, told myself to stop, once and for all.
But I haven't. Not yet. And that's all I can do this time, too. Isn't it? The only way I'm ever going to work this out. Ever going to know why You made me. Ever going to know my worth in Your eyes. By finding out my worth in theirs.
Just, God...don't let me be a complete failure. For Your sake.
-RK
7 Thought(s):
You KNOW it will be awesome. You will feel absolutely...right - by the end. I guarantee it!
Thanks for the encouragement. :)
I think you could build a church quite well. You will be doing it with others right? So you can all help each other n stuff.
Could you tell me when this will be? I will pray during the time you're there.
- Skynes
today. for two weeks.
Two long weeks T-T
Incidentally, when you say "boarder-hopping", do you mean border-hopping?
No, totally 'boarder hopping.' You know how it is ;D
Post a Comment
<< Home