free chili and a debased night
"Nobody saw that," was hastily whispered, as the far-too-full bowl of chili waws pushed in my immediate direction. Shock. Awe. Gaping eyes, grabbing hands, shuffling feet. 'Did she just give me an entire $7.99 bowl of chili free because Wil. asked for it?!'
"She was the most amazing employee that place has ever seen. Ever. Frickin' Awesome, even." We whistled, skipped, skiddered across the park to where we wanted to be.
At the happiest place on this old broken down rock, I actually was. For a few moments, while I walked toward tower, my hands all weighed down with the piping chili in my half-eaten, half-starved bread bowl. At first, I only gaped at the sweet golden brownness - crooning over its utterly unexpected presence in my hands. Then came the simpering odor, the neatly arranged vegetables glittering like jeweléd shines in my once-and-recently-vacant bowl, and the click of the clear spoon against my careful teeth. I tasted. I swooned. I hummed with the vibrations of harmony in the universe.
I laughed like a hyena as I bounced up and down, up, up, up and down. Falling in both directions - even if you don't think it's possible.
Then, in the ice-cream parlor, actuality and reality and the state of my society came back to meet me. Like an old aquiantence. But one you're still unsure of, still afraid of, still wary of. And a few moments away from its feral consciousness wasn't enough to dumb down the conviction, numb down the passion, sterilize the anxiety, or simmer out the fire.
Society - bah. Who needs it?
The answer remained far too obvious, far too trite, and much too frustrating to confront at the present status - because we all do. Made for it, every last one of us. And perhaps, that is just why it's so infuriating, so aggrivating, so enraging. It cannot be escaped lest one escape the very ideals which one debases. Lest one conform to the very society he detests. And so, the frustration - the tremurs of overflowed epiphanies, truths, ideals, and moments of clarity become the only retreat - the only answer - the only response.
And so, one rants, one raves, one screams at the very society one is made to condemn - made to correct - made to love. And one pants and struggles and climbs the uphill battle against the machine anyway.
Because what else - what more, what less - can one do? What other option exists for those that see the cracks in society, the chasms between people, the empty places where there ought to be human emotion and human sympathy and human compassion echoing like whispered prayers in a cathedral? What can one do but resign or recommit?
I know something is broken, and I try to fix it - try to repair it anyway I can.
So, that is it, then; all there is to do. All life's a part of the same wheel. The same cycle, the same passion, the same way of understanding the truth. Live life, don't sell out, don't give up on humanity -- or society. Do what you can to fix it where you can. Don't become discouraged or cynical or blinded like bats without radar. Run the race. But don't let it run you.
See. You have to run the race with society. Don't let society run the race into you. Or you'll fail. You'll falter, and fall. And fail.
...And these ideas, these thoughts - all from the concept of being tired. Tired of fearing a deadening job. Tired of fearing the white barbed-wire fence. Tired of fearing chains and a collar and a cage, rather than life. Rather than freedom. Rather than understanding. Rather than faith. Rather than knowing we had to be made for more.
-RK
"She was the most amazing employee that place has ever seen. Ever. Frickin' Awesome, even." We whistled, skipped, skiddered across the park to where we wanted to be.
At the happiest place on this old broken down rock, I actually was. For a few moments, while I walked toward tower, my hands all weighed down with the piping chili in my half-eaten, half-starved bread bowl. At first, I only gaped at the sweet golden brownness - crooning over its utterly unexpected presence in my hands. Then came the simpering odor, the neatly arranged vegetables glittering like jeweléd shines in my once-and-recently-vacant bowl, and the click of the clear spoon against my careful teeth. I tasted. I swooned. I hummed with the vibrations of harmony in the universe.
I laughed like a hyena as I bounced up and down, up, up, up and down. Falling in both directions - even if you don't think it's possible.
Then, in the ice-cream parlor, actuality and reality and the state of my society came back to meet me. Like an old aquiantence. But one you're still unsure of, still afraid of, still wary of. And a few moments away from its feral consciousness wasn't enough to dumb down the conviction, numb down the passion, sterilize the anxiety, or simmer out the fire.
Society - bah. Who needs it?
The answer remained far too obvious, far too trite, and much too frustrating to confront at the present status - because we all do. Made for it, every last one of us. And perhaps, that is just why it's so infuriating, so aggrivating, so enraging. It cannot be escaped lest one escape the very ideals which one debases. Lest one conform to the very society he detests. And so, the frustration - the tremurs of overflowed epiphanies, truths, ideals, and moments of clarity become the only retreat - the only answer - the only response.
And so, one rants, one raves, one screams at the very society one is made to condemn - made to correct - made to love. And one pants and struggles and climbs the uphill battle against the machine anyway.
Because what else - what more, what less - can one do? What other option exists for those that see the cracks in society, the chasms between people, the empty places where there ought to be human emotion and human sympathy and human compassion echoing like whispered prayers in a cathedral? What can one do but resign or recommit?
I know something is broken, and I try to fix it - try to repair it anyway I can.
So, that is it, then; all there is to do. All life's a part of the same wheel. The same cycle, the same passion, the same way of understanding the truth. Live life, don't sell out, don't give up on humanity -- or society. Do what you can to fix it where you can. Don't become discouraged or cynical or blinded like bats without radar. Run the race. But don't let it run you.
See. You have to run the race with society. Don't let society run the race into you. Or you'll fail. You'll falter, and fall. And fail.
...And these ideas, these thoughts - all from the concept of being tired. Tired of fearing a deadening job. Tired of fearing the white barbed-wire fence. Tired of fearing chains and a collar and a cage, rather than life. Rather than freedom. Rather than understanding. Rather than faith. Rather than knowing we had to be made for more.
-RK
1 Thought(s):
SO true! Also, LOVE your "currently quoting".
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