I cannot
Do I really want to return? To face the life I lived before, to try and fit into a life I'm not sure will accept me? Do I really want to leave this place...for good? Do I really want to go home? Do I really want to stay?
Or is this just fear. Is this just dread and emotion and uncertainty. So many chances, opportunities, and doors lie open before me. How am I meant to choose only one? How am I to know which one is best? How am I to know what I ought to do, where I ought to go, what path I'm meant to choose?
Is there only one way I can walk, or are there many? Are there unlimited possibilites. Will my life and my soul change drastically based on the decisions I make here and now? And if so, how I can I be sure to make the right one?
I need to be directed. I need to be moved. I'm static and still and unsure of my footing - and I need the hand to push me again. I don't know which ways to choose. I don't know where I belong. This is a struggle - a difficult choice in a difficult place with difficult feelings and thoughts to fight against. I had no idea it would ever be this difficult. And yet - it is. What am I to do? What choice am I to make? Where am I to go?
God, please make it plain. I'm a plain girl with plain dreams that wants plainly to serve you. I want to go where You are leading - I just can't tell where that is right now. I need a hand, a shove, a push, an awakening to liven me up to the right path, the right door, the right choice. Let me not fail. Let me not choose wrongly. Pleas, allow me not to make the wrong choice in this. Force my feet on the path that you choose, not that which I in any way desire. Curb my selfish amibtion and my desire to make it in this world. Force my habits and my will and my choices to conform to Your's and You alone.
Let not my feet to stumble. Let not my spirit to be tarnished. Let not my way be unclear.
'Ambition comes when early force is spent and when we find no longer all things possible.' Let not this be me.
You know better than I speak. I only know and do not know. But you, You know. Please, choose for me. I will follow depsite my fear and my hesitations and my longing to always do the other. Still, I will follow, as long as You lead.
-RK
Or is this just fear. Is this just dread and emotion and uncertainty. So many chances, opportunities, and doors lie open before me. How am I meant to choose only one? How am I to know which one is best? How am I to know what I ought to do, where I ought to go, what path I'm meant to choose?
Is there only one way I can walk, or are there many? Are there unlimited possibilites. Will my life and my soul change drastically based on the decisions I make here and now? And if so, how I can I be sure to make the right one?
I need to be directed. I need to be moved. I'm static and still and unsure of my footing - and I need the hand to push me again. I don't know which ways to choose. I don't know where I belong. This is a struggle - a difficult choice in a difficult place with difficult feelings and thoughts to fight against. I had no idea it would ever be this difficult. And yet - it is. What am I to do? What choice am I to make? Where am I to go?
God, please make it plain. I'm a plain girl with plain dreams that wants plainly to serve you. I want to go where You are leading - I just can't tell where that is right now. I need a hand, a shove, a push, an awakening to liven me up to the right path, the right door, the right choice. Let me not fail. Let me not choose wrongly. Pleas, allow me not to make the wrong choice in this. Force my feet on the path that you choose, not that which I in any way desire. Curb my selfish amibtion and my desire to make it in this world. Force my habits and my will and my choices to conform to Your's and You alone.
Let not my feet to stumble. Let not my spirit to be tarnished. Let not my way be unclear.
'Ambition comes when early force is spent and when we find no longer all things possible.' Let not this be me.
You know better than I speak. I only know and do not know. But you, You know. Please, choose for me. I will follow depsite my fear and my hesitations and my longing to always do the other. Still, I will follow, as long as You lead.
-RK
0 Thought(s):
Post a Comment
<< Home