Honesty unsugared, mostly.
So here, that wasn't honest. Anyone who knows - knows that.
It was a great week, yes. It was fun and wild and crazy. And I wouldn't have passed it for anything. But do remember why we're here. And for that reason - that wasn't honest.
I left the heart, the soul out of the thing. That, I can't do again. If you're going to look, you're going to know. If you're going to see, you're going to think. If you're taking the time - I'll take it too. Time to not cover over wounds or scars or the faces that we hide from.
If you're going to see it - why not see the thing as it is. Why paint faces on broomsticks and put masks over faces and cover the things up from being the broomsticks they really are.
No. It's pointless. Just like the bio I wrote on the plane yesterday. Just like the conversations I had that didn't go anywhere today. Just like the thoughts that I was thinking when I saw pictures of those other things - past days, good days, long days.
I'll admit it - there's fear. There's confusion, like a myrid of colors that don't make sense. Like threads all the wrong color of the picture I'm painting...but I can't see the end result. So, what else can I do?
I'll have to trust. Despite how ugly grey seems against the gold. Despite how bad rough feels against the soft. Just how wrong light seems amidst the dark. But, in the end - it'll be the tapestry its meant to be. And all that, despite me.
Amazing isn't it? All we've got to do is stop screaming, stop fighting, stop shouting and kicking and clawing - and the thing is done for us. We just have to keep moving. Amazing.
And yet - sometimes, the moving is the hardest thing we ever have to do. As for me, I'll need the strength - the strength to move under a weight I'm not used to. If heaven hears me, help me. If it doesn't, God put me at peace in the end of it - where I'm only trying to arrive.
Tomorrow comes a greater challenge - the leaving for good, the 'final' saying goodbye. The leaving of all this to go back to a place I'm pretty much unsure of. Leaving things I want too badly to cling to. Going to things I want too badly to run from. And for that, I'll need strength...that and for the loss that comes with all the weight that bears under the task still partly hidden from dim eyes set in my mind.
-RK
It was a great week, yes. It was fun and wild and crazy. And I wouldn't have passed it for anything. But do remember why we're here. And for that reason - that wasn't honest.
I left the heart, the soul out of the thing. That, I can't do again. If you're going to look, you're going to know. If you're going to see, you're going to think. If you're taking the time - I'll take it too. Time to not cover over wounds or scars or the faces that we hide from.
If you're going to see it - why not see the thing as it is. Why paint faces on broomsticks and put masks over faces and cover the things up from being the broomsticks they really are.
No. It's pointless. Just like the bio I wrote on the plane yesterday. Just like the conversations I had that didn't go anywhere today. Just like the thoughts that I was thinking when I saw pictures of those other things - past days, good days, long days.
I'll admit it - there's fear. There's confusion, like a myrid of colors that don't make sense. Like threads all the wrong color of the picture I'm painting...but I can't see the end result. So, what else can I do?
I'll have to trust. Despite how ugly grey seems against the gold. Despite how bad rough feels against the soft. Just how wrong light seems amidst the dark. But, in the end - it'll be the tapestry its meant to be. And all that, despite me.
Amazing isn't it? All we've got to do is stop screaming, stop fighting, stop shouting and kicking and clawing - and the thing is done for us. We just have to keep moving. Amazing.
And yet - sometimes, the moving is the hardest thing we ever have to do. As for me, I'll need the strength - the strength to move under a weight I'm not used to. If heaven hears me, help me. If it doesn't, God put me at peace in the end of it - where I'm only trying to arrive.
Tomorrow comes a greater challenge - the leaving for good, the 'final' saying goodbye. The leaving of all this to go back to a place I'm pretty much unsure of. Leaving things I want too badly to cling to. Going to things I want too badly to run from. And for that, I'll need strength...that and for the loss that comes with all the weight that bears under the task still partly hidden from dim eyes set in my mind.
-RK
2 Thought(s):
Awww... Poor RK... I hope it isn't too bad for you! :'( But goodbyes are always hard...
Oh I'll live, I'm sure. I just have to get out of this place...it makes me think *sigh*.
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