melancholy mendicant of mercy

Why was I right about all of that? Right about what I said and what I thought - and what I did about it, too. Because even in my misconstruements, I had to be right; of what I thought of who had the power to destroy me, and why it would never be what I saw it could have been. Why the pain wouldn't fade...why the anger wouldn't recede...why the wounds wouldn't heal...

I'm not perfect. I don't confess to things I know I am, save for the places where people never care to look. I tried so hard to express it - in words good enough for you, for someone to understand - but it never worked, was never enough. The void instea just took over and covered the words that I kept trying to get out of my charring soul; that same soul that would one day fall, fail, and be the remains of every mistake that I've ever made.

One day, they all stopped caring. And it was so simple, wasn't it? To just shut out the light of day and lock souls away - and then, blamed it all on me. As if the pain I'd made was somehow the reason; as if the things I did were somehow the problem; as if what I was was somehow not enough to save the world within me anymore, and it was all my doing...

...I wish that this, that I - that all of it was wrong. But it's not. So now what? Where else is there to run, what else is there to ruin, how else can I exist in the shallow shadow - the only evidence I still have that there is light somewhere in the coldness?

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Tried to give you warning, but everyone ignores me.
Told you everything loud and clear -
But nobody's listening.
Called to you so clearly, but you don't want to hear me.
Told you everything loud and clear -
But nobody's listening.

I've got a heart full of pain, head full of stress,
and a hand full of anger held in my chest.
Up hill struggle - blood, sweat, and tears.
Nothing to gain, everything to fear.
-Linking Park:Nobody's Listening
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I always believed in futures...
But that wasn't enough. So, what now?

-RK