snow falling, fading, and melting away
It isn't a sickness. That's what I convinced myself, for so long.
It's normal, it's just the way things are. It's just an outlook, just a mood, just a passing, just for today. It isn't 'something wrong'. It can't be...For the longest time, I wouldn't believe it. I don't need to understand, or be understood. I don't need to see what it all means. I don't need to be explained.
I've been pretending, kidding myself for too long. I've been acting the part, and playing the clown for far too long. It's simple. Mostly, I stand alone. I have friends, and I have a family. I have a house and a home and a place where I live life. I have things I enjoy, things that I despise. I have dreams and nightmares - just like everyone else.
But after the snow falls and the metling freezes over - it comes back to the winter again, even in the spring. Then I stand alone.
I am a child, a friend, a daughter, a sister. I am a reader, a writer, an author, a Poet. I am a coffee shop college kid. I am a dancer, a gambler. I am a pizza-eating, sparse-on-cash traveler.
I am alot of things. But in the end, I am just myself. I contest to nothing, I stand for nothing else. Only me.
I can't say much beyond that. I can't say much that will gain me acceptance or understanding or a kind a favor or a twinkle in the eye. I can't explain my being or explicate my actions. I can't make you understand what or who or why I am. I am only that I am...
...not because I think. Not because I am anything special. Not because I deserve to be. Not because I love.
Because I am loved...but not because I am a wonderful human being. Because in the end, I am really only undeserving 'me'.
Nothing more. Nothing less. Just 'me'.
-RK
It's normal, it's just the way things are. It's just an outlook, just a mood, just a passing, just for today. It isn't 'something wrong'. It can't be...For the longest time, I wouldn't believe it. I don't need to understand, or be understood. I don't need to see what it all means. I don't need to be explained.
I've been pretending, kidding myself for too long. I've been acting the part, and playing the clown for far too long. It's simple. Mostly, I stand alone. I have friends, and I have a family. I have a house and a home and a place where I live life. I have things I enjoy, things that I despise. I have dreams and nightmares - just like everyone else.
But after the snow falls and the metling freezes over - it comes back to the winter again, even in the spring. Then I stand alone.
I am a child, a friend, a daughter, a sister. I am a reader, a writer, an author, a Poet. I am a coffee shop college kid. I am a dancer, a gambler. I am a pizza-eating, sparse-on-cash traveler.
I am alot of things. But in the end, I am just myself. I contest to nothing, I stand for nothing else. Only me.
I can't say much beyond that. I can't say much that will gain me acceptance or understanding or a kind a favor or a twinkle in the eye. I can't explain my being or explicate my actions. I can't make you understand what or who or why I am. I am only that I am...
...not because I think. Not because I am anything special. Not because I deserve to be. Not because I love.
Because I am loved...but not because I am a wonderful human being. Because in the end, I am really only undeserving 'me'.
Nothing more. Nothing less. Just 'me'.
-RK
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