I've gone utterly and completely batty!

I want attention! And I want it now!

I want to get out of this room. I want to go do something. I want someone to call me on the telephone at 2:00 in the morning, and I want to talk to them...about anything...for hours!

It doesn't really matter at this point!

I want someone to come knocking on the bedroom door, burst in with show tunes and start singing "Home on the Range", for all I care!

As long as it is loud, exciting, and involves real, actual human beings - I really don't care!

I want to perform the Canon in D Minor. I want to go dancing in a rave. I want to be stuck in downtown LA on a cold blustery night!

My gosh, I just want to feel like I am actually alive again! Like there is some blood in my veins. Like I'd notice a sensation if it came across my skin! I want to bleed or sweat or cry or scream or...

Do something! Feel something!

I want to talk to someone. Anyone! I want to hear someone's voice, like they are actually there - somewhere, alive. Like I'm actually a person, not a synapse in a computerized chip that just exists to make monitary movements all day long.

I want to feel like I'm more than a brain or a bunch of electrical impulses. I want someone to remind me that I have a body - with arms and legs and a neck and a back...

I really just want to feel alive again. And that's my problem. I've been cooped up for so many hours that I don't even have a concept of the time anymore! I would go to sleep, but honestly - I would just end up being bored.

I'd read, but I'd be bored then too. I'd breathe...but even then, I'd be bored!

I can't escape. I've been sitting in this room with the light on for far too long...

...and really, I just can't escape from going completely and totally insane.

-RK