rainbows from raindrops on butterfly wings I'd watched perish

9.00 and a six hour phone conversation on two calling cards that I'll probably need.

Light hitting the roof and refracting off in a million rainbows, lighting up a million butterflies that I didn't know existed in these old ruins anymore.

Lighting striking the weather vane and spinning the world out of my grasp, while the fireflies dance like they always have.

...I had no idea.

No idea how angry I was, how broken I was, how lost I was - not until I felt the wind and didn't know what direction it was coming from.

I tried to convince myself...tried to tell myself that it was, when it wasn't. Tried to talk only to myself - because I was afraid no one would listen.

I'm not sure they still do...

but there is something else in the thing, now. Something almost real that wasn't there before.

A million more conversations that'll still need to happen between myself and the sky...between 'you and I'. So many plans to make, too many things to think. So many things to have to have figured out - if it can ever really happen...if it can really be what it looks like it might start looking like.

Vauge but not. Confused, but not. Scared...but somehow, not.

You know? I could stay here, if I wanted to. I could sit under the roof and watch the rain fall, making little rainbows dance around the rim of the roof.

I could sit and be satifisied for a while...

Or I could get out from under the shelter and dance in the rain. Letting my hair down and my heart out and the world spring back to life inside me again. I could, and yet...

Something in me is afraid; something still needing to know:

that if I do...will you dance too?

-RK