On a sidenote...
...I found the disgustingly huge demon that felt a need to take a rather impressive munch out of my thumb the other night. Although before I tell of its fate, allow me a bit of explanation.
I awoke not too many nights ago, I believe it may have been last week- with a large red bump on my right thumb. Atop the inflamed area were two small red marks - bite marks, almost like the marking of a very tiny snake bite. However, I knew no snake that small could have slithered across my arm in the middle of the night and had a short lunch upon my hand, so another conclusion was in order. I decided that the only beast that made sense to have made such a mark upon my flesh was a spider. Now, you have to understand that the spider must have been quite large to have left such visible munch-marks on my thumb. Yet, there they were. So I was forced to believe, with my disbelief and that of the company around me.
Then, the other night - I believe it was Sunday in the dead of night (when I get my works done) - I was sitting calmly at my desk pouring over Carlyle's Sartor Resartus when the mother of spiders scampered freely across my floor and under my chair. Yelping and jumping out of his apparent path, I in turn scampered not-so-freely to the other side of the room. Upon catching my breath, along with shoving my heart back into my chest after it lept into my palms, I inched toward my desk chair in order to examin the area. At first I saw nothing, then upon a closer inspection I foudnt he beast, blending quite nicely into the carpet. Gaping at the horridly large creature, I measured him from a distance. Legs extended, he was at approximately 3 inches in diameter. This caused a stark realization to occur within me. I gaped from the arachnid to my thumb and back again. It seemed clear that such a large arachnid could clearly have left the mark on my hand.
Thus, in spite of my fears, my interest was peaked. I had to see my attacker up close. But first...revenge.
Pulling up my always-far-too-long pant leg, to avoid any counter attacks, I stamped out the poor dear's life. Then, after a second well-placed shot, I reached down with some fresh toilet paper and scooped uo the carcass. After a bit of struggling around to see my apparent attacker's face, which made me squirm as he looked almost as though he was alive again and struggling to be free D0= ,I found his fangish appendages. Sure enough! Although clearly crushed by the impact with my friendly black boot, the fangs were clearly large enough to have sunk thus deeply into my poor, unsuspecting and slumpering self.
Horrified at the prospect that such a thing had clearly invited himself into my bed in the midst of my slumber and felt my thumb worthy of such a feast, yet strangely satisfied that my attacker would no more be making meal in my bed, I went to throw the evidence of my revenge and of his ill-spent life in the toilet down the hall.
And as he flushed away in the current of water, I felt the world a bit of a safer place.
Thus concludes this story: score 2=humans, score=1 arachnids. May the score continue to progress thusly. And may we all sleep a little better knowing that the world is free of yet one more vicious, careless attacker on the human race.
-RK
I awoke not too many nights ago, I believe it may have been last week- with a large red bump on my right thumb. Atop the inflamed area were two small red marks - bite marks, almost like the marking of a very tiny snake bite. However, I knew no snake that small could have slithered across my arm in the middle of the night and had a short lunch upon my hand, so another conclusion was in order. I decided that the only beast that made sense to have made such a mark upon my flesh was a spider. Now, you have to understand that the spider must have been quite large to have left such visible munch-marks on my thumb. Yet, there they were. So I was forced to believe, with my disbelief and that of the company around me.
Then, the other night - I believe it was Sunday in the dead of night (when I get my works done) - I was sitting calmly at my desk pouring over Carlyle's Sartor Resartus when the mother of spiders scampered freely across my floor and under my chair. Yelping and jumping out of his apparent path, I in turn scampered not-so-freely to the other side of the room. Upon catching my breath, along with shoving my heart back into my chest after it lept into my palms, I inched toward my desk chair in order to examin the area. At first I saw nothing, then upon a closer inspection I foudnt he beast, blending quite nicely into the carpet. Gaping at the horridly large creature, I measured him from a distance. Legs extended, he was at approximately 3 inches in diameter. This caused a stark realization to occur within me. I gaped from the arachnid to my thumb and back again. It seemed clear that such a large arachnid could clearly have left the mark on my hand.
Thus, in spite of my fears, my interest was peaked. I had to see my attacker up close. But first...revenge.
Pulling up my always-far-too-long pant leg, to avoid any counter attacks, I stamped out the poor dear's life. Then, after a second well-placed shot, I reached down with some fresh toilet paper and scooped uo the carcass. After a bit of struggling around to see my apparent attacker's face, which made me squirm as he looked almost as though he was alive again and struggling to be free D0= ,I found his fangish appendages. Sure enough! Although clearly crushed by the impact with my friendly black boot, the fangs were clearly large enough to have sunk thus deeply into my poor, unsuspecting and slumpering self.
Horrified at the prospect that such a thing had clearly invited himself into my bed in the midst of my slumber and felt my thumb worthy of such a feast, yet strangely satisfied that my attacker would no more be making meal in my bed, I went to throw the evidence of my revenge and of his ill-spent life in the toilet down the hall.
And as he flushed away in the current of water, I felt the world a bit of a safer place.
Thus concludes this story: score 2=humans, score=1 arachnids. May the score continue to progress thusly. And may we all sleep a little better knowing that the world is free of yet one more vicious, careless attacker on the human race.
-RK
1 Thought(s):
Wow, I thought they only had creature that overly large in uncivilized parts of the world, wait a minute . . . .
[j/k]
I'm glad u won.
:)
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