Nice to Me.
I want a microwave Hottie.
Really, I do.
And I want a drumset. *wipes drool* And a Corvette to druve by. And yes, that is druve, my public. It sure is.
But that's enough of that...enough of that and my fuzzy pants...light blue fuzzy pants - velevety jean-ish fuzzy pants.
Yes, enough of those to.
On to the things that my mind is spinning around. Back to the things that my heart it dancing upon and my spirit is faltering on and my soul keeps tripping up on. Yes, let's get back to those things.
It seems that I've been doing thinking that I didn't think I'd do. And it seems that I've come to a conclusion that I didn't think would conclude the way that it is.
But let's not be so vague -
I've had an epiphany.
But you see, the problem is that it's one of those epiphanies that I don't exactly want to admit to myself that I've had - and I don't exactly want to flesh out what the epiphany means. And yet...the having of it, just the thinking of the having of it makes me feel better.
Now granted, it would be better if I were to do what I ought to do about the thing - but the thing of it is just that: I don't want to do what I ought to do about it, and I don't want to think about what I have to do because of it. Neither do I want to contemplate what the telling of it, the reasoning of it, or even the entire realizing of it means.
I'd just know that it exists and that it makes me feel better. Because then, it still makes me feel better.
It makes me realize that I don't have to do what I don't want to do, I don't have to be who I don't to be - and I don't have to live my life the way that anybody thinks I ought to live it.
And part of the epiphany is just that. I've realized that I can be what I want to be. I can live how I want to live. I can grow up how I want to grow up, do what I want to do, and I can be the person that I wanted to be before I became the person I never wanted to be.
And so, the epiphany continues on. Whether or not I have the desire to flesh out all of the details or all of the tasks or all of the meanings of this epiphany are at this point irrelevant. The fact that it makes me feel comforted makes the epiphany worthwhile, and the fact that it frees me from binds that I've previously bound myself in makes it worth the time that I have spent pondering over it.
So whether or not I figure it all out right now doesn't exactly matter. What matters is that the truth has finally occured to me, and I finally - at long last, after such a spanse in time where I was as lost as I could have been - finally know what I want. And I suppose that is the point of it; at least for now.
So until later or until I flesh out the meaning and repercussions of this still-somewhat-coming epiphany, I will leave you with the nightmares, and the sadness, and the depths of the oceans of the feelings that we're living in.
-RK
Really, I do.
And I want a drumset. *wipes drool* And a Corvette to druve by. And yes, that is druve, my public. It sure is.
But that's enough of that...enough of that and my fuzzy pants...light blue fuzzy pants - velevety jean-ish fuzzy pants.
Yes, enough of those to.
On to the things that my mind is spinning around. Back to the things that my heart it dancing upon and my spirit is faltering on and my soul keeps tripping up on. Yes, let's get back to those things.
It seems that I've been doing thinking that I didn't think I'd do. And it seems that I've come to a conclusion that I didn't think would conclude the way that it is.
But let's not be so vague -
I've had an epiphany.
But you see, the problem is that it's one of those epiphanies that I don't exactly want to admit to myself that I've had - and I don't exactly want to flesh out what the epiphany means. And yet...the having of it, just the thinking of the having of it makes me feel better.
Now granted, it would be better if I were to do what I ought to do about the thing - but the thing of it is just that: I don't want to do what I ought to do about it, and I don't want to think about what I have to do because of it. Neither do I want to contemplate what the telling of it, the reasoning of it, or even the entire realizing of it means.
I'd just know that it exists and that it makes me feel better. Because then, it still makes me feel better.
It makes me realize that I don't have to do what I don't want to do, I don't have to be who I don't to be - and I don't have to live my life the way that anybody thinks I ought to live it.
And part of the epiphany is just that. I've realized that I can be what I want to be. I can live how I want to live. I can grow up how I want to grow up, do what I want to do, and I can be the person that I wanted to be before I became the person I never wanted to be.
And so, the epiphany continues on. Whether or not I have the desire to flesh out all of the details or all of the tasks or all of the meanings of this epiphany are at this point irrelevant. The fact that it makes me feel comforted makes the epiphany worthwhile, and the fact that it frees me from binds that I've previously bound myself in makes it worth the time that I have spent pondering over it.
So whether or not I figure it all out right now doesn't exactly matter. What matters is that the truth has finally occured to me, and I finally - at long last, after such a spanse in time where I was as lost as I could have been - finally know what I want. And I suppose that is the point of it; at least for now.
So until later or until I flesh out the meaning and repercussions of this still-somewhat-coming epiphany, I will leave you with the nightmares, and the sadness, and the depths of the oceans of the feelings that we're living in.
-RK
1 Thought(s):
I'm so glad u've had an epiphany. :) let it sink in slowly and enjoy it.
Your family is visiting you? That's so cool :)
good luck with all of your papers and projects!
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