last days
I was thinking about it, and really it all seems such a waste. Like doing something worthwhile at a worthwhileless time; or asking for something you needed once you no longer need it. Or eating when you've just had dinner - twice.
Superfluous. That's a good word for it. Just plain superfluous.
And of course the confusion. Thinking about this place and then that. Thinking of one path and then the other - wondering where I'll end up, who will love me, and what my life will really look like in a few years...in just a few months...in the next day, or next moment.
Never knowing where I'll be or how I'll end up there or who I'll end up there with.
Being decieved - but taking it all in as fact. Thinking that what you're hearing is the truth, only to later realize that you were just being blind.
Yeah, you could say I feel something sort of liket that. Blind. Like I'm walking myself to the slaughter. I don't know - maybe I am. Maybe I'm just being a fool.
Maybe this will pass...and then, maybe it won't.
But what of it if it doesn't? What if it just stays...just remains. What if I'm just following hollow signs that lead me nowhere; what if I can't see the signs that will lead me everywhere. Or maybe...maybe, I'm just being stubborn.
But how can that be? How can things be the way they are without really being the way they are said to be? And how can I know how things are if I can't see them, can't hear them, can't feel them.
I remember once someone said to be that you had to listen to know. You had to know to believe. And you had to see to listen. And yet - I can't listen, or know, or believe, or see any longer.
My eyes have gone blind, my ears - deaf, my heart - dumb. I'm sitting in blackness that nobody will admit exists. Instead, I hear the words around the walls. But I'm not allowed inside. I catch glimspes of the light, but I'm not allowed to see it.
What I once thought to do is being done to me - and it makes no sense. Why should it be this way? Why should I not be allowed to see into the real way of things anymore? How is this justified, by itself? But that makes no sense either. Yet, still the way of things continues on as is.
And I feel as though I'm getting more and more lost - drowning deeper and deeper in my own words and my own thoughts, sinking lower and lower into the caverns that I carved out.
It makes no sense as to how is should be thus.
And yet...it is.
-RK
Superfluous. That's a good word for it. Just plain superfluous.
And of course the confusion. Thinking about this place and then that. Thinking of one path and then the other - wondering where I'll end up, who will love me, and what my life will really look like in a few years...in just a few months...in the next day, or next moment.
Never knowing where I'll be or how I'll end up there or who I'll end up there with.
Being decieved - but taking it all in as fact. Thinking that what you're hearing is the truth, only to later realize that you were just being blind.
Yeah, you could say I feel something sort of liket that. Blind. Like I'm walking myself to the slaughter. I don't know - maybe I am. Maybe I'm just being a fool.
Maybe this will pass...and then, maybe it won't.
But what of it if it doesn't? What if it just stays...just remains. What if I'm just following hollow signs that lead me nowhere; what if I can't see the signs that will lead me everywhere. Or maybe...maybe, I'm just being stubborn.
But how can that be? How can things be the way they are without really being the way they are said to be? And how can I know how things are if I can't see them, can't hear them, can't feel them.
I remember once someone said to be that you had to listen to know. You had to know to believe. And you had to see to listen. And yet - I can't listen, or know, or believe, or see any longer.
My eyes have gone blind, my ears - deaf, my heart - dumb. I'm sitting in blackness that nobody will admit exists. Instead, I hear the words around the walls. But I'm not allowed inside. I catch glimspes of the light, but I'm not allowed to see it.
What I once thought to do is being done to me - and it makes no sense. Why should it be this way? Why should I not be allowed to see into the real way of things anymore? How is this justified, by itself? But that makes no sense either. Yet, still the way of things continues on as is.
And I feel as though I'm getting more and more lost - drowning deeper and deeper in my own words and my own thoughts, sinking lower and lower into the caverns that I carved out.
It makes no sense as to how is should be thus.
And yet...it is.
-RK
0 Thought(s):
Post a Comment
<< Home