Almost Tomorrow...
The day is almost over, and it is almost a new day. And yet, I feel as though nothing is new. ...sigh.
I am finishing off the day with commentaries on literary theory - do you have any idea how annoying that is?
I thought I'd get a message from some people, but I guess it wasn't worth commenting on...guess it wasn't worth talking back to me about. ...sigh.
Everything still hurts. Everything. I would explain what it is, but the problem is - I think it's everything. From the physical to the emotional back to the personal and the inevitable...if that makes any sense. Maybe it doesn't.
Oh well.
It still hurts.
If I could fall asleep for something close to a week and not have it have any impact upon my life other than the feeling of being well again - it would be bliss.
But here, as things stand - that is not a possibility.
Hearing people disagree makes me think...it makes me think about things that I've diagreed about. It makes me think of the aruguements I've had - the fights I've had.
I wonder how much those matter? I wonder how much those change things, change people, change life. I wonder how much it changes the way I would have been or the way I would have done things...or the way things could have been.
But I guess could have been doesn't matter that much, now does it? Because I guess that things will never be how they could have been. And I guess that things are the way they are just because they are that way - and I guess that they aren't going to change.
But still...it all makes me wonder about how my life could have been different. And sometimes, I wish I could see into other ways that my life could have been, other paths that my life could have taken - and sometimes, I wish I could see them just to see them.
Other times, I realize how pointless it is and how pointless it would be.
I don't know, mabye I'm not making any more sense. Maybe I really should go back upstairs and finish my lit theory chapter and just go to bed. Because maybe I'm not making sense any more.
And maybe really, people are all the same. Maybe it doesn't matter who we are or who we meet - because deep down, we're all jsut the same.
...sigh. I don't really know.
I'm tired and I'm confused...and I just don't know where to go from here.
-RK
I am finishing off the day with commentaries on literary theory - do you have any idea how annoying that is?
I thought I'd get a message from some people, but I guess it wasn't worth commenting on...guess it wasn't worth talking back to me about. ...sigh.
Everything still hurts. Everything. I would explain what it is, but the problem is - I think it's everything. From the physical to the emotional back to the personal and the inevitable...if that makes any sense. Maybe it doesn't.
Oh well.
It still hurts.
If I could fall asleep for something close to a week and not have it have any impact upon my life other than the feeling of being well again - it would be bliss.
But here, as things stand - that is not a possibility.
Hearing people disagree makes me think...it makes me think about things that I've diagreed about. It makes me think of the aruguements I've had - the fights I've had.
I wonder how much those matter? I wonder how much those change things, change people, change life. I wonder how much it changes the way I would have been or the way I would have done things...or the way things could have been.
But I guess could have been doesn't matter that much, now does it? Because I guess that things will never be how they could have been. And I guess that things are the way they are just because they are that way - and I guess that they aren't going to change.
But still...it all makes me wonder about how my life could have been different. And sometimes, I wish I could see into other ways that my life could have been, other paths that my life could have taken - and sometimes, I wish I could see them just to see them.
Other times, I realize how pointless it is and how pointless it would be.
I don't know, mabye I'm not making any more sense. Maybe I really should go back upstairs and finish my lit theory chapter and just go to bed. Because maybe I'm not making sense any more.
And maybe really, people are all the same. Maybe it doesn't matter who we are or who we meet - because deep down, we're all jsut the same.
...sigh. I don't really know.
I'm tired and I'm confused...and I just don't know where to go from here.
-RK
1 Thought(s):
It is so hard when it feels like you just need to sleep life away for a while. :( It can just feel like the world is sitting on your soul and you shall never be able to push it off...
I pray that things will get better... *hug* *tear*
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