Loss...
If I wasn't in this mood, I'd be writing about the fair...but I am, so I don't know what to write about.
My fish, Ping, died. I'd write an elegy, a eulegy, something - but I feel too sick to do anything more than just stare into the darkness.
His death made me see something - something I hadn't seen before. Life cannot be trusted. The future is uncertain and every moment life just slips away a little more. We live and we expect to live tomorrow, but we never know who won't make it that far. And we think we have a plan, but we don't. And we think we're ready for the unthinkable, but we aren't. We're just sitting around waiting for death to come and steal something, someone else.
Life is so uncertain. Any moment could be your last, or the last one you ever felt happy again. Any moment you could lose all you worked for - any moment the ground can fall out from under your feet...
and it's all because of death. Because death still has power over us, even if we know the outcome. Saddness still reigns dominion over the earth and sorrow still floods the valleys of desertion. Pain and agony still pour from the sky like a hurricane rain, and despair still knocks at the door, constanly waiting to be let in.
Because no matter who you are or where you live or what you have in life, you always lose. You lose life, you lose love, you lose your dreams in the mire of life...whatever it is. We all lose. And loss stirs memories and causes them to burn like fire searing tender flesh; because once you have lost - you can never regain what is gone.
You can fill the void with something else, but you can never replace the lost. It is too valuable, too cherished, and too unique to ever replace. You can only stuff bits of puzzle pieces into holes they will never really fit into. You can try to cover over the holes or you can dress them up and make them glamourous - but you can never rid yourself of them.
Time can close the holes a little - but there is always a scar, always a hole under the tissue where time has healed. Because once you have lost, you cannot go back, you cannot undo time - you cannot get back what went away.
So where does that leave us? Groping for some desperate hope or hiding away from the loss that is inevitable? And what about temporary loss? What if you misplace a part of you, but find it later? What if you never do? What if...
what if you lose everything?
Sometimes, it feels like I already have. Like I have nothing left to lose...I pray to God that I am wrong.
-RK
My fish, Ping, died. I'd write an elegy, a eulegy, something - but I feel too sick to do anything more than just stare into the darkness.
His death made me see something - something I hadn't seen before. Life cannot be trusted. The future is uncertain and every moment life just slips away a little more. We live and we expect to live tomorrow, but we never know who won't make it that far. And we think we have a plan, but we don't. And we think we're ready for the unthinkable, but we aren't. We're just sitting around waiting for death to come and steal something, someone else.
Life is so uncertain. Any moment could be your last, or the last one you ever felt happy again. Any moment you could lose all you worked for - any moment the ground can fall out from under your feet...
and it's all because of death. Because death still has power over us, even if we know the outcome. Saddness still reigns dominion over the earth and sorrow still floods the valleys of desertion. Pain and agony still pour from the sky like a hurricane rain, and despair still knocks at the door, constanly waiting to be let in.
Because no matter who you are or where you live or what you have in life, you always lose. You lose life, you lose love, you lose your dreams in the mire of life...whatever it is. We all lose. And loss stirs memories and causes them to burn like fire searing tender flesh; because once you have lost - you can never regain what is gone.
You can fill the void with something else, but you can never replace the lost. It is too valuable, too cherished, and too unique to ever replace. You can only stuff bits of puzzle pieces into holes they will never really fit into. You can try to cover over the holes or you can dress them up and make them glamourous - but you can never rid yourself of them.
Time can close the holes a little - but there is always a scar, always a hole under the tissue where time has healed. Because once you have lost, you cannot go back, you cannot undo time - you cannot get back what went away.
So where does that leave us? Groping for some desperate hope or hiding away from the loss that is inevitable? And what about temporary loss? What if you misplace a part of you, but find it later? What if you never do? What if...
what if you lose everything?
Sometimes, it feels like I already have. Like I have nothing left to lose...I pray to God that I am wrong.
-RK
1 Thought(s):
Oh my word! That's so sad! I'm so sorry. :'(
If you want to have a funeral for Ping let me know.
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