The knowing and not-knowing
There's no life away from You...there's no joy away from You...there's no peace away from You...
I'd be reading right now...but I'm too busy thinking.
...bought things today. It was alright, but I was alone. Most things would be alright, but I'm alone.
I'm beginning to wake up, or maybe just beginning to see...I'm growing up, and that really scares me. I just want to do what I want to do, but I can't do that anymore. I want to play and laugh and not stare at walls in solemn silence because the world is falling to pieces.
The world has been falling to pieces all my life, so why do I care now?
Maybe because the world within is falling too...that makes everything feel worse, everything look worse, everyone appear worse. Or maybe it's just another one of those bad days, where you get all mixed up between who you were and who you thought you ought to be only to come out the other side and realize you were never either, nor do you plan on being thus.
...sigh...
It gets darker from here I think...darker because I'll be alone.
...but nobody can save me from it now...
I'll have to live. I'll have to because I have to know...know if it was really worth it...any of it - life, truth, going this far for what you thought you want, giving it all for something you believe in...someone you believed in - just the all of it.
...sigh...
and maybe even one day, I'll know.
Maybe.
-RK
I'd be reading right now...but I'm too busy thinking.
...bought things today. It was alright, but I was alone. Most things would be alright, but I'm alone.
I'm beginning to wake up, or maybe just beginning to see...I'm growing up, and that really scares me. I just want to do what I want to do, but I can't do that anymore. I want to play and laugh and not stare at walls in solemn silence because the world is falling to pieces.
The world has been falling to pieces all my life, so why do I care now?
Maybe because the world within is falling too...that makes everything feel worse, everything look worse, everyone appear worse. Or maybe it's just another one of those bad days, where you get all mixed up between who you were and who you thought you ought to be only to come out the other side and realize you were never either, nor do you plan on being thus.
...sigh...
It gets darker from here I think...darker because I'll be alone.
...but nobody can save me from it now...
I'll have to live. I'll have to because I have to know...know if it was really worth it...any of it - life, truth, going this far for what you thought you want, giving it all for something you believe in...someone you believed in - just the all of it.
...sigh...
and maybe even one day, I'll know.
Maybe.
-RK
4 Thought(s):
You are not alone. You were never made to be alone. He is with you, and will prevent your world from falling apart.
Thanks for your help before. And remember, you have a brother who is willing to go the distance with you. One of many in the army of Daysman. Of Christ. Until next time sister, Selah! (ponder; pause; rest...)
Thank you HN. Your words of encouragement are very helpful. And I thank you for your support - sometimes we just need to know that there is someone there.
Again, thank you.
Selah...oh yeah! I have a "chatter box" set up so you can comment on my site now. Selah!
will do...haven't heard from you in a while lol. Good to know you are still alive out there. Have you finished your work at HA?
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