Farewell Rivertucky
One long backwards glance; lunch and a conversation I never thought I would have when we didn't have the time to have it. Swimsuit, chicken pasta all over my dress, and crying over the thought of being gone. Laying roses in napkin bags, packing up my post-it notes from over two years of employment at one place...the longest I've ever worked anywhere in my life. Hugs, emails, promises of keeping in touch. Cards and people telling how much you mean to them. Spiced Rum that really isn't rum at all with too much ice. "But hey," you think, "it's an Italian Soda."
Realizing soon you may be drinking soda in Italy with no ice instead. Realizing soon it might be snowing where you are, half the world away from where you are now. Realizing that this really is your last day - that you won't have your co-workers and your office to come back to on Monday. And realizing that this might be the last time you ever see some of the people who have so easily become a part of your life everyday. Realizing that so easily it is all just passing away.
Saying goodbye wasn't easy.
It wasn't easy, but I did it. It had to be done. It was time. Time to say goodbye to my job, to my room, to having two places to live where you can come home any time you need something or just need a hug from mom and dad. And it isn't easy realizing that soon, they won't be able to drive down and fix everything when you don't know what to do. It isn't easy discovering that soon, you'll be on your own in a whole new world with all new people and nobody who knows where you came from or what you are about.
...sigh.
They will soon figure it out though. You will soon realizing that the world isn't as big as it seems and that you are going to have a wonderful time in a whole new world, away from all of the comforts you have grown so accustom to. Soon, emails and letters will be how you will hear from home. And soon, Nokia will no longer spite you with the messages "No Service". And soon, you will be getting up in the morning, yawning and stretching and facing a new day - but not just a new day, a new page; a new chapter; a new era in your life.
When you return, you will not be the same. Hmm. Or maybe you will be.
But either way, that will be up to you. You will have the chance to be who you choose to be without people looking at you and saying, "Oh that's just her." Instead, they will wonder who you are and what you think and why you are the way you appear to be. But don't be afraid - growing and being alone is all part of the process...
part of the process I have been living in for so long now - part of the process of making me a woman.
...sigh. It is a long transformation, but at some point, I have to make it. Some day, I have to learn to support myself and stand on my own two feet. Because people won't make decisions for me forever. And people won't take care of me forever. Some day, I will have to take care of me. Some day, I will have to stand accountable for me and only me - and I will have to stand all alone. I will not be able to call up mommy and daddy to fix everything. I won't be able to look to my friends. I will have to stand alone...
as me.
And so, I better know who me is by that point or else - I'll fall.
And I don't want to fall when I am the only one to be there to pick me back up again. I don't want to fail when I am the only one watching...
...I don't want to fail when God is the only one watching.
I want to be faithful and courageous. I want to prove to the world that I am someone and I can do it.
I want to prove that to myself.
And so, I am going. I am preparing - and I am going to leave. Not for good, but for a while.
And when I come back, I will not be the same me you see now.
But I will be me, and I will be back....
But first, I have to get to know that me that I am still trying to become.
And so, I am going...soon.
-RK
Realizing soon you may be drinking soda in Italy with no ice instead. Realizing soon it might be snowing where you are, half the world away from where you are now. Realizing that this really is your last day - that you won't have your co-workers and your office to come back to on Monday. And realizing that this might be the last time you ever see some of the people who have so easily become a part of your life everyday. Realizing that so easily it is all just passing away.
Saying goodbye wasn't easy.
It wasn't easy, but I did it. It had to be done. It was time. Time to say goodbye to my job, to my room, to having two places to live where you can come home any time you need something or just need a hug from mom and dad. And it isn't easy realizing that soon, they won't be able to drive down and fix everything when you don't know what to do. It isn't easy discovering that soon, you'll be on your own in a whole new world with all new people and nobody who knows where you came from or what you are about.
...sigh.
They will soon figure it out though. You will soon realizing that the world isn't as big as it seems and that you are going to have a wonderful time in a whole new world, away from all of the comforts you have grown so accustom to. Soon, emails and letters will be how you will hear from home. And soon, Nokia will no longer spite you with the messages "No Service". And soon, you will be getting up in the morning, yawning and stretching and facing a new day - but not just a new day, a new page; a new chapter; a new era in your life.
When you return, you will not be the same. Hmm. Or maybe you will be.
But either way, that will be up to you. You will have the chance to be who you choose to be without people looking at you and saying, "Oh that's just her." Instead, they will wonder who you are and what you think and why you are the way you appear to be. But don't be afraid - growing and being alone is all part of the process...
part of the process I have been living in for so long now - part of the process of making me a woman.
...sigh. It is a long transformation, but at some point, I have to make it. Some day, I have to learn to support myself and stand on my own two feet. Because people won't make decisions for me forever. And people won't take care of me forever. Some day, I will have to take care of me. Some day, I will have to stand accountable for me and only me - and I will have to stand all alone. I will not be able to call up mommy and daddy to fix everything. I won't be able to look to my friends. I will have to stand alone...
as me.
And so, I better know who me is by that point or else - I'll fall.
And I don't want to fall when I am the only one to be there to pick me back up again. I don't want to fail when I am the only one watching...
...I don't want to fail when God is the only one watching.
I want to be faithful and courageous. I want to prove to the world that I am someone and I can do it.
I want to prove that to myself.
And so, I am going. I am preparing - and I am going to leave. Not for good, but for a while.
And when I come back, I will not be the same me you see now.
But I will be me, and I will be back....
But first, I have to get to know that me that I am still trying to become.
And so, I am going...soon.
-RK
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