When sleeping wouldn't help...
What is the use in sleeping if you are just going to wake up in the morning...feeling like this? And what is the use of trying when all you can think about is how much it hurts inside? And what is the point in even lying in bed when you can't get the storm to calm down inside?
When all of the pain becomes anger because you know that your life is ruined. When all of the hurt inside becomes rage because you'd rather scream than cry again. When all of the burning becomes your blood boiling over because you'd rather be in denial than accept that fact that there's a hole where your soul used to be.
So what is the point of trying to sleep? When all you feel is restless, and cold. When all you can think about is how all of the things you ever wanted, ever planned for, ever had good in your life - all went wrong. When all you can see is the mistakes you've made and how you can never correct them, now that it is too late to go back. And when all you can do is just sit and stare past everything that's real, off into some other time and some other place, and just pray to God that you'll be happy again some day. But you never really believe it, not deep enough for it to reall matter; not deep enough down for it to count.
And so you sit up until your head gets to heavy to hold up any longer. But even then, you refuse to turn off the lights and lie awake...
...I had more to this post, but stupid Blogger messed up my post and took off the second half. Maybe it wasn't meant to be posted. Maybe it's just to show me that no matter how far down you are, life can always get worse. I guess that it always will...
I might re-finish this post later. But for now, I don't actually care enough to re-type the thoughts I took all that time articulating.
...I guess this just proves that life always just gets worse instead of better...I guess that is bad for me...
-RK
When all of the pain becomes anger because you know that your life is ruined. When all of the hurt inside becomes rage because you'd rather scream than cry again. When all of the burning becomes your blood boiling over because you'd rather be in denial than accept that fact that there's a hole where your soul used to be.
So what is the point of trying to sleep? When all you feel is restless, and cold. When all you can think about is how all of the things you ever wanted, ever planned for, ever had good in your life - all went wrong. When all you can see is the mistakes you've made and how you can never correct them, now that it is too late to go back. And when all you can do is just sit and stare past everything that's real, off into some other time and some other place, and just pray to God that you'll be happy again some day. But you never really believe it, not deep enough for it to reall matter; not deep enough down for it to count.
And so you sit up until your head gets to heavy to hold up any longer. But even then, you refuse to turn off the lights and lie awake...
...I had more to this post, but stupid Blogger messed up my post and took off the second half. Maybe it wasn't meant to be posted. Maybe it's just to show me that no matter how far down you are, life can always get worse. I guess that it always will...
I might re-finish this post later. But for now, I don't actually care enough to re-type the thoughts I took all that time articulating.
...I guess this just proves that life always just gets worse instead of better...I guess that is bad for me...
-RK
0 Thought(s):
Post a Comment
<< Home