In the still of 8:42
I'm not depressed....really....I'm not....
It's jsut been a bad day, a bad week, a bad year...maybe it's even been a bad life. But I'm not depressed.
I might be confused, lost, living in the denial that I'm doing all right. I might be stuck in the ruts, digging deeper to where there is really no treasure, may have a tidal wave of emotions that are all negative...
...but I'm not depressed.
I'm sure if you looked close enough, you'd see that. If you stared through the foggy windshield, full of hardwater, then you'd see the world like I do....
It doesn't matter what time of day it is or where the sun is in the sky. It doesn't matter where you are or what got you there. It doesn't matter if you are happy or sad, broken or fixed, healthy or sick. It doesn't matter if you've got a family or friends who take their place. It doesn't matter if you are loyal, full of love, or if you shoot people in schools just because you had a bad day taking tests that were too hard. And it makes no differnce if you've got long hair or short, if you're ugly or fat, if you're lovely or thin; If you've got life all worked out, or your in the deep end up to your chin. If you have a million bank accounts piled high with money, or if you are living on the street in a carboard box.
It all makes no difference to where we all end up.
and for the sake of arguement, i might admit i'm a bit upset....
but it isn't life that gets me down. It isn't hopes that shatter or even the mirrors that shatter them. It isn't that I'm alive or that I feel dead on the inside. It isn't that I'm waking up or even that I was wrong.
It's the not regretting, not wanting to go back, not tearing myself apart because I'm sorry that scares me.
It's the treasure troves, not the blazing fires burning to hell everything life handed me. It's the smile in the image and the pain that makes it all disappear. It's the death and the sighing, the break and the crying....it's the way I walk around this ugly room and pretend that I'm something....
It's if I could, I wouldn't be here. It's if I could, I'd be someone else, someone better, someone more like what I wanted to be....but realize only now I never will.
Life takes the best of us.....and we never even get a chance. People don't let us change because they get so sick of hearing us. Love doesn't care what you are but if you aren't good enough, it'll leave you before you blink. Hate only feeds on what your not, but it will never shut-up if you let it in. Death isn't the answer, but it isn't the question either. Hope isn't a way out, it's a way to look back in. Fear is no reason to do anything but run. Running leaves you weak and eventually worthless....
Cold isn't bad when you can get warm, but when you can't it's better to be too hot. It's better to be burning in hell than freezing in the desert of nowhere. And it's better to be broken than gluing yourself together with superglue that comes off in the rain, because the rain will never stop.
One day, we all break. One day, we all crumble under the weight. It doesn't matter when we fall apart, it only matters if someone comes to pick you up again....
loneliness doesn't heal anything....it makes it worse. It makes life worse, it makes dreams wither, it makes souls cold, and it makes breaths stop breathing and hearts stop beating, and people die before they're too young. It makes you black and charred, like you've been burnt but don't have the scars. It leaves you empty and shallow, dark and hollow - all around worth nothing more than the sand is in the desert or water is in the ocean or frail hope is in the face of this evil.....
.....flashlights in the middle of a Missouri midnight.....that's all it amounts to.....that's all it is. And if you've ever been there when the lights go out - you know what I mean.
If you haven't, wait.
...because one day, you will.
-RK
It's jsut been a bad day, a bad week, a bad year...maybe it's even been a bad life. But I'm not depressed.
I might be confused, lost, living in the denial that I'm doing all right. I might be stuck in the ruts, digging deeper to where there is really no treasure, may have a tidal wave of emotions that are all negative...
...but I'm not depressed.
I'm sure if you looked close enough, you'd see that. If you stared through the foggy windshield, full of hardwater, then you'd see the world like I do....
It doesn't matter what time of day it is or where the sun is in the sky. It doesn't matter where you are or what got you there. It doesn't matter if you are happy or sad, broken or fixed, healthy or sick. It doesn't matter if you've got a family or friends who take their place. It doesn't matter if you are loyal, full of love, or if you shoot people in schools just because you had a bad day taking tests that were too hard. And it makes no differnce if you've got long hair or short, if you're ugly or fat, if you're lovely or thin; If you've got life all worked out, or your in the deep end up to your chin. If you have a million bank accounts piled high with money, or if you are living on the street in a carboard box.
It all makes no difference to where we all end up.
and for the sake of arguement, i might admit i'm a bit upset....
but it isn't life that gets me down. It isn't hopes that shatter or even the mirrors that shatter them. It isn't that I'm alive or that I feel dead on the inside. It isn't that I'm waking up or even that I was wrong.
It's the not regretting, not wanting to go back, not tearing myself apart because I'm sorry that scares me.
It's the treasure troves, not the blazing fires burning to hell everything life handed me. It's the smile in the image and the pain that makes it all disappear. It's the death and the sighing, the break and the crying....it's the way I walk around this ugly room and pretend that I'm something....
It's if I could, I wouldn't be here. It's if I could, I'd be someone else, someone better, someone more like what I wanted to be....but realize only now I never will.
Life takes the best of us.....and we never even get a chance. People don't let us change because they get so sick of hearing us. Love doesn't care what you are but if you aren't good enough, it'll leave you before you blink. Hate only feeds on what your not, but it will never shut-up if you let it in. Death isn't the answer, but it isn't the question either. Hope isn't a way out, it's a way to look back in. Fear is no reason to do anything but run. Running leaves you weak and eventually worthless....
Cold isn't bad when you can get warm, but when you can't it's better to be too hot. It's better to be burning in hell than freezing in the desert of nowhere. And it's better to be broken than gluing yourself together with superglue that comes off in the rain, because the rain will never stop.
One day, we all break. One day, we all crumble under the weight. It doesn't matter when we fall apart, it only matters if someone comes to pick you up again....
loneliness doesn't heal anything....it makes it worse. It makes life worse, it makes dreams wither, it makes souls cold, and it makes breaths stop breathing and hearts stop beating, and people die before they're too young. It makes you black and charred, like you've been burnt but don't have the scars. It leaves you empty and shallow, dark and hollow - all around worth nothing more than the sand is in the desert or water is in the ocean or frail hope is in the face of this evil.....
.....flashlights in the middle of a Missouri midnight.....that's all it amounts to.....that's all it is. And if you've ever been there when the lights go out - you know what I mean.
If you haven't, wait.
...because one day, you will.
-RK
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