Colder than it ought to be...

First of all, nobody does college-punk music better than Dashboard Confessionals, I'm fully convinced now. I don't think any words could better explain the last two years of my life...two years...wow....

My life in high school was so very different. Thinks looked different, life felt different, hope seemed different, love smelt different than it does now. Maybe it's just this place - maybe it's just that I'm older. Maybe it's a million things that I won't take the time to describe or think about...

Too many things to wonder about, too many things to worry about. If I'm right - why does it hurt. If I'm wrong, what am I doing? If it's neither, where did I go wrong?

Sigh....

I just want to be home and safe and happy....

but that isn't happening....

sigh....

Everything I wanted, I don't get. Everything I thought my life would be, it isn't. Every hurt I thought I'd never have to feel ever again, I do. Every chance I thought I had, I missed. And everything I saw in my own eyes when I looked in the mirror - is gone. All of it, just like that...

Gone.

Sometimes, I feel like I'm fading away too. Like I'm talking too much and not listening. Like I'm falling too far and not landing. Like I'm going to far, but never really arriving.

Maybe I'm just scared...

...maybe I'm just wrong.

But there's nothing I can do now. It's broken, it's done, it is what it is - and that's that. I can't go back in time, I can't climb back up the hill. Once you hit the bottom, you're there and there's no going back to the top. If you don't like where you landed - too bad. You have to get up and fix it down here...

...because you can never go back.

Never.

...because breathing is a foreign task and thinking's just too much to ask. And you're measuring your minutes by a clock that's blinking eight...

...don't you see that the sharade is over...

-RK