troubles
Redepmtion should have been around the corner...
but wasn't.
I thought it was all getting better, but it turned out that it was still getting worse - the lights were still going out. The day was still getting darker. How I'd hoped that it would end. But not here and not now, the wind told me. Not here and not like this, the cold streets told me at 11:00 at night. Not tonight.
It was cold, but I really didn't care. I kept on sitting there, just staring. The longer I looked, the colder it got. But I wasn't going to change it - I wasn't going to stop it. The cold reminded me that at least I was still there, that I hadn't disappeared...
but I'm not so sure that is a good thing.
I want sometimes to disappear. To go where no one can find me. To get lost far from home. To hide so no one can see me.
Sometimes, that is all I really want.
And sometimes, I realize that I have to take the same road I ran away on back home. That isn't easy. But sometimes, it is the only way to get back home before it is too late. Sometimes, it is the only way to get home without getting more and more lost - just around the corner.
Walking the streets of Riverside taught me a lot. But I'm not so sure that I like what I learned there.
Decisions are hard. Learning lessons you can't accept is harder.
How does one let go of hope? And should it be asked of anyone to do thusly? If so, then what is the point of hope at all? What do we hope in? What do we hope for...but this?
If you haven't read Da Vinci Code - I think you need to.
Misunderstanding breeds distrust...
The light came long after the thunder...
A few of the good things I have read thus far. It is difficult to put down.
Other things are difficult as well...
but for now, until the morning comes, I sleep.
Sadness again growing, fear doubt and turbulence stirrring...
but for now, I try to sleep.
-RK
but wasn't.
I thought it was all getting better, but it turned out that it was still getting worse - the lights were still going out. The day was still getting darker. How I'd hoped that it would end. But not here and not now, the wind told me. Not here and not like this, the cold streets told me at 11:00 at night. Not tonight.
It was cold, but I really didn't care. I kept on sitting there, just staring. The longer I looked, the colder it got. But I wasn't going to change it - I wasn't going to stop it. The cold reminded me that at least I was still there, that I hadn't disappeared...
but I'm not so sure that is a good thing.
I want sometimes to disappear. To go where no one can find me. To get lost far from home. To hide so no one can see me.
Sometimes, that is all I really want.
And sometimes, I realize that I have to take the same road I ran away on back home. That isn't easy. But sometimes, it is the only way to get back home before it is too late. Sometimes, it is the only way to get home without getting more and more lost - just around the corner.
Walking the streets of Riverside taught me a lot. But I'm not so sure that I like what I learned there.
Decisions are hard. Learning lessons you can't accept is harder.
How does one let go of hope? And should it be asked of anyone to do thusly? If so, then what is the point of hope at all? What do we hope in? What do we hope for...but this?
If you haven't read Da Vinci Code - I think you need to.
Misunderstanding breeds distrust...
The light came long after the thunder...
A few of the good things I have read thus far. It is difficult to put down.
Other things are difficult as well...
but for now, until the morning comes, I sleep.
Sadness again growing, fear doubt and turbulence stirrring...
but for now, I try to sleep.
-RK
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