Glad again...

I am endlessly tired, so this is going to be a relatively short post.

I just had to say that dancing in the middle of the street or Disneyland and not caring who is watching you - that really is the greatest feeling in all the world. It ranks right alongside driving back roads with the windows rolled down, cold air bursting into your face mizing with the blasting heater. The smell fo Jasmin and Magnolia in the air with Skillet blasting as loud as you can stand it, whipping around curves at 45 mph and coming up to stop signs a little too fast.

If that doesn't make up for saddness and rage from memories and traffic, I really don't know what does.

I think I have learned that yeah, life just sort of sucks. But if you can find at least one reason for it to not suck at a moment in time - then you've gained something from that moment that you can never lose.

I also learned something about memories. No matter what happens to you - no matter where you go or who you become or what road of life you walk down - there is always a part of you that is glad within a memory. No matter how much the situation around the memory falls apart, if the memory was good - there will always be a part of you that is glad there. No matter what. And you can't run from it, you can't turn it off. You just have to accept it - and move on.

So in general; Disneyland, 80s music, and Green River made my day all worth it.

So did other things...other things that made me sad. Other things that I won't talk about. Other places I went and other people I thought of again - after a long time. And other pieces of the day that made the trips worthwhile. But those are to be left in my own heart for now. Maybe later - they will be worthwhile to talk about...

but not until later.

But I am glad I was able to share pieces of me, pieces of what I want and of what I am and of what I had. I am glad that I was able to do something outside of myself.

I am glad that I was able to dance alone - dance with myself. I am glad that I was able to see that dancing alone in public is better than trying to control someone else you are dancing with. I am glad that I dance alone - I am glad people can watch me, but I can dance alone. That makes me glad.

I am glad that I was able to learn from a lousy initial trip to Disneyland and horrible traffic on the 91 East.

I am glad that I was able to remember.

I am glad that I was paying attention - that I wasn't too lost in the misery - that I was able to look outside of this and find something so worth while that it made me glad.

-RK