frail.

Convinced of my deception, I've always been a fool.
I fear this love reaction, just like you said I would.
A rose could never lie about the love it brings,
and I could never promise to be any of those things.

If I was not so weak, if I was not so cold;
If I was not so scared of being broken, growing old -
then I would be.

Blessed are the shallow, depth they'll never find.
There seems to be come comfort in rooms I try to hide.
Exposed beyond the shadows, you take the cup from me.
Dirt removes my blindness, pain becomes my peace.

If I was not so weak, if I was not so cold;
If I was not so scared of being broken, growing old -
I would be frail.

***

So this fear, this pain - this is supposed to exist?

At least it has some purpose. It must. If it didn't - there would be no point in feeling it, no pointing in owning it, no point in admitting it.

Yes, it must have some purpose.

And yet, part of me still fears it. I don't know why...

I want to be happy. I want to feel love. I want to be...

I want all of the things I dream of, and more.

I want my life to be beautiful and glorious. I want to soar like an eagle and feel freedom like a butterfly.

I want so much...

but until it comes, I must feel this pain. This tearing, breaking, bending, and hurting.

Until the blessing comes, I must be stripped of everything.

...and it hurts.

I want to be free from weakness, coldness, brokenness, and fear. Free from doubt. Forever.

I want to know. I want to strong.

I don't want to be frail.

And the only way there - is this, must be this. The only way to strength is this road.

Feet falling in front of me, on a path that I know I can never understand. Feet falling in front - not looking behind, not looking up to the sky. Just feet falling in front, watching my step and being sure I keep walking on the path...I keep my feet falling in front.

One day I will be happy, and one day I will be free.

One day I will hurt no more, and one day I will see.

But not yet, not today.

Today, I keep walking. I keep one foot in front of the other. And I keep my eyes on the road.

I don't stop and I don't fall. Because that isn't walking, that isn't my feet falling in front.

So I keep going.

Where I'm going, I have no idea. But the sun will rise and the sun will set and the moon will shine - all on this path that I am walking tonight.

And one day, I will arrive somewhere that I will call home. I will arrive somewhere and I will rest.

But until then, no regrets.

This path turns one way, and then it curves the next.

If nothing else, I learned a world from every turn I made. I learned the rising and the setting of the sun. I learned what midnight looks like, even when you're alone. I learned how to walk and I learned how to run. I learned how to hide and how to be exposed. I learned about the forest and I learned about the desert. I learned where the fern grows and when the flowers die. I learned about love, and I learned about life.

And if ever nothing else, I will always be glad back in the memory of the path.

But now, I must keep walking. Wherever it is I go from here - I must keep walking there.

So feet falling in front, heart tugging my soul, dreams keeping me awake, and hope keeping me alive; I walk.

I walk and my feet fall.

No regrets. Not on this road, not in this heart.

Walking each day with no regrets, even here while I feel too frail.

But knowing that this fear, this coldness, this dread - all have a place on the path I walk. The path that I walk without regret.

-RK