who am i
Now really, who am I? Who did I become and how did I get there?
Why did I become someone that I didn't recognize in the mirror, and when did it become that I couldn't accept her anymore? I miss the girl that I knew - but I don't know where she went.
I want her to come back, but I have to find out where she went first...
Yet, I really do know where she is. She went away because I told her that she wasn't good enough. I told her I didn't agree with her, I didn't like the way she dressed or her hair or the look in her eyes. I didn't love her anymore - I couldn't accept her. I pushed her away because I thought I'd found someone better than her on my crusades fighting the world, fighting society, and fighting all of the evils of the universe.
Now I realize that I needed her all along. I needed her to be who I was. I needed her to be the one who held me together. I needed her to be me, because without her I didn't know who to be.
And now that she's gone, I don't know what to do. I don't know who I am. I don't want to be myself without her, but I'm not entirely sure that I agree with who she is either. So what do I do with that?
Do I have to try myself, try her...and discover which one I like, which one is me, which one I can care about enough to make stare back at me in the mirror?
I wish I didn't have to do this; didn't need this. But I see now that I do. I pushed away the girl that I was looking for because I was afraid she'd lie to me if I asked her to take over for a while. I shot her in the head because I was scared that if I didn't she would get out of control. But then I started realizing that I couldn't love the world without her in it.
So what do I do now? How do I be who I am, who I was, and who I ought to be? What is right...and what is me? If I lost her, where do I find her? If I still have her, why isn't she awake within me?
And what can I do about any of it?
-RK
Why did I become someone that I didn't recognize in the mirror, and when did it become that I couldn't accept her anymore? I miss the girl that I knew - but I don't know where she went.
I want her to come back, but I have to find out where she went first...
Yet, I really do know where she is. She went away because I told her that she wasn't good enough. I told her I didn't agree with her, I didn't like the way she dressed or her hair or the look in her eyes. I didn't love her anymore - I couldn't accept her. I pushed her away because I thought I'd found someone better than her on my crusades fighting the world, fighting society, and fighting all of the evils of the universe.
Now I realize that I needed her all along. I needed her to be who I was. I needed her to be the one who held me together. I needed her to be me, because without her I didn't know who to be.
And now that she's gone, I don't know what to do. I don't know who I am. I don't want to be myself without her, but I'm not entirely sure that I agree with who she is either. So what do I do with that?
Do I have to try myself, try her...and discover which one I like, which one is me, which one I can care about enough to make stare back at me in the mirror?
I wish I didn't have to do this; didn't need this. But I see now that I do. I pushed away the girl that I was looking for because I was afraid she'd lie to me if I asked her to take over for a while. I shot her in the head because I was scared that if I didn't she would get out of control. But then I started realizing that I couldn't love the world without her in it.
So what do I do now? How do I be who I am, who I was, and who I ought to be? What is right...and what is me? If I lost her, where do I find her? If I still have her, why isn't she awake within me?
And what can I do about any of it?
-RK
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