21 May 2004

so scared...

Where this path is leading, I have no idea.
Where I am going, God hasn't told me yet.

Go...
But God, where am I going?
Go...
But God, how do I get there?
Go...
But God, what am I doing?
Go...
But God, how do I explain this?
Go...
Okay God, but what do I take?
Go...

Heading out on a path that is revealed one step at a time. Don't know where this is going - I just know that I'm walking on it. Don't know where it's leading, but I know it is the only way I can go. No more forks in the road, no more choices of which way, no more standing in the threshhold. The threshhold has cracked, God remind me how to walk. The fork is past, God reveal this path to me as you take me down it. The road is narrow, God help me not fall off into the thorns or down the steep cliff. I'm in the middle of a horrible storm, God keep your hand on my back and keep telling me that I'm okay, that I'm safe, that you have me.

Walking, but not knowing what to take with me. What do I pack, what do I leave here. What do I store and what do I burn - if anything. You have sent me out into this world, and have told me to go. I don't know where I am headed - but I know you have a promise to care for me and to see me through to completion. I wish I knew where this road went, but I know you won't show me. I wish I knew what this road was, but I know you won't tell me. I have to trust you - like I have never trusted before. No more security, no more threshhold to stand in and feel like the rain can't fall on me, won't fall on me. you have called me out into the rain, protect me when the lightning strikes. You have beckoned me out into the storm, hold me up when the waterline rises above my boat. You have taken me from many roads and placed me on a new one, walk with me and carry me when I fall from weariness.

Don't let me be angry, don't let me lose sight. This is your way - and what you will, will come to pass. You are in control. I know you will not leave me, you will protect and keep me. Please don't let me fear now, now when I need peace the most.

Give me the words to speak - give me your heart to give to the world. Be with me, be in me...so I may walk this path as you would have me walk it. And give me peace of a future I cannot yet see.

I love you Lord.

-RK

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