only You

Can't think, can't breathe, can't move.
Can't feel my arms trembling,
can't hear my heart beating.
Can't feel life within me,
without feeling the fear behind it.

How can You shout so loudly-
but I don't know what You're saying?
How can this be so evident-
when it isn't even obvious?
How can You tell me,
if I don't comprehend.

Ten...eleven...
then morning.
Light strikes the soul like a blade,
darkness caves into the depths.
Trembling for mercy or redemption.

Shock so deep within it shakes me...
It's happening.
All of the whispered prayers -
all of the cries I screamed.
and it's happening...

How can You talk so clearly,
but say nothing distinctly.
How can I feel the same thing...
if I haven't been talking?

Lighting flash before the thunder.
Calm before the rest of the storm?
What are You trying to tell me -
and why is it that I can't understand it.

Falling...
the darkness is falling.
It's not the midnight of my soul yet -
but it's getting too close to sit here.
It isn't the depth of my sorrow yet -
but it's getting so near I can hear it.

Breath bated on the end of my tongue,
waiting to hope You command me.
Tremble quivering under the skin,
hoping You can explain this.
But the question returns yet again...

why?

I don't see, I can't hear, I simply don't feel...
falling alseep isn't possible,
none of these signs make much sense.
Maybe I'm looking to the wrong place,
or I'm standing at the wrong cross...

Maybe it isn't about me.

It isn't the morning,
but the curtains haven't ripped.
It's saturday, but is it over?
It's sunday - so where are you?

Spinning, dizzying, crashing -
and beginning to lose my grip.
Living life isn't fair - my life,
it just isn't here.
I don't know what You mean to say...
but I'm hearing You anyway.

What do I do now?
Where do I go now?
The lighting stuck, the thunder crashed...
this tenth hour seems to be moving.

The grayness of life all around me;
it's turning into the night.
This voidlessness all within me -
it's starting to come back to life.
If I pray to You...

will You answer so I can see You?

Of course, I know.
but my emotions just can't take it.
I was dreaming for so long -
now I'm startled to be awake.
I was falling for so far...
now to feel the ground feels like death.

What do You mean to say?
Where do You mean to go?
What does this mean to me?
And how do I answer You now?

Maybe I just sit here -
and I don't say a thing.
Maybe I'm just scared here...
and I can't feel a thing.
But what does it all mean?
Is this just another way,
or is this yet another sign...

Or am I trying to figure out what You said -
before You took the breath to say it?

God, I'm not You.
I'm only a human whose afraid of suitcases.
I'm only a caterpiller afriad of butterflies.
I'm only a dog afraid to bite.

But You'll have to take my hand now -
I need Your leading more than ever.
You will have to hold my heart now -
I need this commitment more than before.
You'll have to take my soul now...

I need this promise
like I need to sing,
Like my soul needs to dance.
I need this commitment,
Like my stomach needs nourishment,
like my body needs to move.

God, I need this from You.
Lord, I belong to You...
Only You.

-RK