looking for something

Not okay, not well, not doing very good at all.

whimpering, sighing, and falling apart...
little pieces of me getting lost and forgetting to come back to live.

Wishing I was something more- but realizing I'm not much of anything at all...

other than sad.

Wishing I could smile, wishing I would dance...

but knowing I just won't.

realzing life isn't getting led this way; realizing I'm not moving forward this way...

but not sure that I can remember how to walk, or if I'm even ready to try.

wishing, hoping, dreaming - but not falling asleep.

Is faith still involved? I sure thought so, but now I'm starting to wonder...

crying to not be so sad, to not feel this bad, to not stumble around my room looking for something to hold onto anymore.

Looking for some penance, searching for something more - and wondering if I will ever find it.

Looking for a way to be okay in all the sadness, in this deep stillness...even in the silence.

Being alone to find me - being me to feel alone.

Whatever this is coming to...

I hope I realize it soon.

Soon, before I drowned and lose my chance to come back, to come home...

ever again.

-RK