just a bad day

friendless, comfortless, emotionless...

Aside from the sadness, aside from the gray skyline, aside from this dim horizon - there is nothing left. No more sweet scents in the air, no more Burlwood Elementaries, no more sunrises watching a strange landscape come into view, no more gas stations at 7:00 in the morning not really knowing where you are, no more kisses under moonlit nights...

no more dreams. It's time to wake to reality - and it's cold where you are. But it's time to wake up, nonetheless.

Wrestling with yourself, with your heart - with your head. You can't get the world to stop...

{time lapse to aprox. 8:00 pm}

I'm back from the bank and the pet store...and I'm starting to realize what is gone now. I don't know what I can do about it - nothing really that I can do about it. Just sit here and pretend that there isn't a rose in my field and try to tell myself not to look and see if its dying or dead.

...sigh...

I'm so tired of the silence, the stillness, the nothing-happening-ness of everything in my life right now. So tired of trying to pick myself up only to realize that there isn't anything left of me. So tired of trying and realizing that even if I did - it would make no differnce to this world.

sigh...I am just having a bad day, a down day, a day that's...

No...it is just a bad day. It is just a poor day, a startlingly horrible day...but it's just another bad day.

It has to be.

Doesn't it?

I really pray it does...

-RK