home again, but I'm not sure why
Ok, so you will have to work with me on the titles...I'm not really thinking that much about them and really, they are only there because it is easier to look at on the main page - I may get rid of them soon. But really, its mostly just irrelevant.
I guess I'm really here just to put some things down...thoughts down.
I just want so many things, many things I can't have. Am I messing up because I want to be happy? Or am I really doing the right thing? Maybe having to ask this question shows that its a bad thing...maybe I really am heading down the wrong path...
path to destruction, path to redemption, path to...what?
Oh, I don't know. That is the biggest problem - I just don't know. Not this, not that. Not here, not there either. Not yes and not no...just not yet?
I wish I had the answers, some answers - some way of knowing that something, that I was okay. But I don't know...
I feel numb, like maybe I just stopped feeling. Like maybe I've turned that part off, tuned that part out, stopped that side of me from thinking, existing, being. Maybe....but really, I just don't know.
So unsure. So uncertain. How can this be my life? That girl that grew up with a decently happy child hood - how can this, this nebulous enigma of a girl...how can this be me?
I mean, I've always known I had a few sadder bones in my body than the rest of the world - its just my make up, its just that "wintry" side of me...but what about this uncertainty that is plaguing my every gesture, every move? When did that happen? I used to be...at least sure of what I was doing...where I was going. What happened to that?
What happened to the dreams that I was looking for? The stars that I was aiming for? The things that I was living for? And now, what do I do that it is all gone? Where do I turn, where do I run. What do I do - now that I'm not so sure that I'm me?
Oh how I want to come home, if only I knew where home really was. Oh how I want to be joyful, happy if only I knew how to feel. Oh how I want to be whole...
...if only I knew what was missing.
-RK
I guess I'm really here just to put some things down...thoughts down.
I just want so many things, many things I can't have. Am I messing up because I want to be happy? Or am I really doing the right thing? Maybe having to ask this question shows that its a bad thing...maybe I really am heading down the wrong path...
path to destruction, path to redemption, path to...what?
Oh, I don't know. That is the biggest problem - I just don't know. Not this, not that. Not here, not there either. Not yes and not no...just not yet?
I wish I had the answers, some answers - some way of knowing that something, that I was okay. But I don't know...
I feel numb, like maybe I just stopped feeling. Like maybe I've turned that part off, tuned that part out, stopped that side of me from thinking, existing, being. Maybe....but really, I just don't know.
So unsure. So uncertain. How can this be my life? That girl that grew up with a decently happy child hood - how can this, this nebulous enigma of a girl...how can this be me?
I mean, I've always known I had a few sadder bones in my body than the rest of the world - its just my make up, its just that "wintry" side of me...but what about this uncertainty that is plaguing my every gesture, every move? When did that happen? I used to be...at least sure of what I was doing...where I was going. What happened to that?
What happened to the dreams that I was looking for? The stars that I was aiming for? The things that I was living for? And now, what do I do that it is all gone? Where do I turn, where do I run. What do I do - now that I'm not so sure that I'm me?
Oh how I want to come home, if only I knew where home really was. Oh how I want to be joyful, happy if only I knew how to feel. Oh how I want to be whole...
...if only I knew what was missing.
-RK
0 Thought(s):
Post a Comment
<< Home