failed attempts?

Well, here I am...and it has all been said and done. It is finished - and it is not what I thought it would be. I thought I would be dying, I thought I wouldn't be able to breathe...but I'm okay.

So go was enough. So goodbye was all it took. I didn't need to have my bags packed, I didn't need to have it all together...

God is so amazing at times...all of the time. I had no idea, never saw this coming, never thought I could do this. Yet there I stood in the stairwell of SH and said the words I thought I didn't have the strength to say - and did the one thing I never thought I could do. There, where so many good times had passed through. There, where my life passes by everyday. There, there was where God put me - there was where God showed me. There was where God saved me...

From what? I don't know but from a hollow future. A deserted dream, a dried out hope, and a listless sea made of stale glass. There was where the threshhold finally fell, there was where the river bed grew damp again. Of course my heart isn't healed yet - of course I am sad; of course I am unsure of the next step beyond this one. But I will go - and I will walk with Him.

I won't close this box, because I can't. I won't glue it shut and put a bow on it and shove it up in the back of my shelf - because God doesn't want me to...yet anyway. And of course, this could be for forever...this could be for twenty years. This could be just for now....but I'm not counting on it. I'm not waiting for God to show me the future, I'm trusting that He knows where it leads and I am walking on this path anyway. He has reminded me how to walk - how could I stand here now?

I can't stand at the path without moving. It gets darker here the longer I don't move. I can't stay here - there would be nowhere left.

"God puts back together the broken pieces that we throw away..."

I ran into Austin at Wal-Mart today. I haven't seen him since I graduated from Grace Brethren. I can't believe how much he hasn't changed...he's put on weight, but that seems to be about it. Often, I wish that would have never come to fruition. I am so glad that God didn't make that work for very long.

"I never could find the words to write you..."

"The girl I once regected has now become the girl of my dreams..."

God, are you really trying to tell me something?

"We cannot separate because You're part of me. Though Your invisible, I will trust in the unseen..."

Or will You just get me through this valley to another mountain top - to a *different* hillside, a different field with brighter colors and softer grass and a warmer stream to comfort my soul.

"Stay right here in the light, so that you won't walk away..."

"Throw your burdens all away..."

I know that all I have to do is trust You, follow You, and Your Will will come to be. Whatever You want, whatever You have in mind - it is going to be, no matter where I go and no matter what I do. As long as I am willing to follow You - Your will is going to be. I just have to trust You now, because this is what You wanted...this is right.

I just have to Trust YOU now.

"Here before you I find my peace. I am overwhelmed because You chose me to know you..."

"Show me how to have working man hands..."

-RK