too many demons in too many places

*sigh* Too many demons in too many places...

But then, when I really think about it - I just think, "So what?" I'm not dead yet, why should I act like it?

I hate sighing, sleeping, not dreaming...

I hate living in college, living through college, living for college. I hate the homework and I hate the classes. I hate cafeteria food and not having enough money for a $2 meal a day. I hate being up until 4 am and getting up at 8:30. I hate feeling lost, confused, baffled, and pissed off. I hate El Bastard, The Bastard, Petite Bastard - and the rest of the bastards out there that are just too horrible or too boring to name.

I hate thinking.

It never does me any good, doesn't know how to not do harm.

I hate dreaming when you aren't asleep - it's the epitomy of misery.

I hate hating so many things...and being so angry.

And I hate not knowing what to say when I have a million things on my mind and even more on my heart.

I hate being this tired: tired of life, tired of school, tired of trying, tired of waiting, tired of not sleeping, tired of just not getting it.

I am so tired.

... ... ... why? ... ... ...sigh... ... ... but really, why?...

-RK